Husband lied about being a doctor for years

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic Husband lied about being a doctor for years

Akemi wrote:
The thing is that he wants to go to nursing school and become a nurse but won't agree to telling friends/family the truth. I don't know that I can live the rest of my life with him continuing to lie to everyone. I've told him repeatedly that I hate lying and he is forcing me to do so but not coming clean to everyone.

Do you want to live your entire life a lie?

I feel like I might be wasting my time, my life, staying with him. But, I'm scared. He was my first everything (kiss, etc.) and I'm afraid I have flaws that no other man would accept.

How do you know what flaws another man will accept? You have nothing to compare this relationship to.

My husband is great in every other way beside the lying and not working.

This goes without saying. He's a great guy except that his whole life is a lie and he won't work to help pay his way in this marriage.

The single friends I have always seem to have a hard time find decent men.

And you think a man who has lied to you every day of your lives together is a decent man?

I need to figure out if my husband is half-way decent at this point and if that's worth working on. But, I don't know if I can ever trust him again without watching and checking on everything he does. I mean I'm obviously not that type of person for this situation to have gotten so far.../quote]

I feel sorry for what you're going through, but you simply cannot enable him for the rest of your lives by going along with his facade. He needs to be a MAN and face up to his mistakes and admit that he is not a doctor. In fact he's nothing. He refuses to work.

Like I said, either make him get a job or make him go back to school and finish on his own nickel. He needs to prove himself to you. Like the old saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

Do not continue to be his enabler. Make him prove himself or put him on the curb. He's a grown man.

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
9 years 2 months ago #39629

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Replied by AnnieD on topic Husband lied about being a doctor for years

Hi. Some of your friends and family probably already know that he is not a physician. It is very easy to look up an MDs name on the state board of medical examiners website.

You have likely made some of your friends/family/acquaintances suspicious since you have probably never been able to give them specifics when they ask about your husband.

If I were in your situation, I would know that I deserve better...even if that means being alone. Some people need to learn to love themselves and enjoy being with themselves instead of always feeling like they have to have a man in their life.

You indicate that you have flaws. We all have flaws. You are worthy of a true partner who contributes to your relationship. I would not care if I had to wait until I was 60 years old before the right man came along. I certainly would not be wasting my time with a liar.

He obviously has deep psychological problems to have lied to the extent that he has. Some people are simply incapable of accomplishing anything, but they always want to claim the highest career possible when they lie about what they are (doctor/physician). I would not even consider staying with him unless he got psychological help.

I don't care what your flaws are, don't cut yourself short. Who wants to be in a relationship with a person that you have to constantly doubt or be suspicious of. He is a grown man who is obviously not very mature. He needs help. You deserve better.

I would love to know what he told you he was doing with his pay when he was a "resident".
8 years 3 months ago #57073

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Replied by anon1454 on topic Husband lied about being a doctor for years

Hi, I just happened to stumble upon this and though I'm sure you've since figured out what to do, seeing as this was posted nearly 2 years ago, I had a very similar experience.
Four years ago, I found out on the morning of my boyfriend's (we had been together off and on for 6 years, me 21, he 24) ungrad graduation that he hadn't been in school for 3 years and all of it was a lie.

It may be better to start from the beginning. I had known him most of my life, our parents grew up together and I completely fell in love with him when I was 14. Because of the 3 year age difference and the 4 hour drive separating us, we were never super exclusive until I moved to go to the same college. I had started an acting career and was delaying college, but had reconnected and I couldn't be without him. Looking back, it makes me so angry that he let me drop my dream for nothing. Anyway, there were no signs that he was lying. He was supposed to be pre-med and then would be going to med school to become a plastic surgeon. He bought huge chemistry and biology books, he "studied," he'd drop me off at class before going to his across campus.

Long story short, I had no clues and needless to say, was completely shocked. He convinced me to go with him to tell his family who had come from everywhere to see him walk at graduation that we would not be attending the ceremony. Of course fingers were pointed at first that I knew, but I assured them I had no idea. I had been taking 18 hours (rather than the normal 12) each semester for the last year and a half so I could graduate the following semester and move with him.

I was so hurt and confused, and his mother told me I needed to just stjck with him. I had to get away and I made the 3 hour drive home before mentally breaking down. I went through a lot, but decided if something was wrong with him, I'd stay by his side. I went back to school after break and we visited each other several times. However, I didn't see him getting the mental health help he so obviously needed, and his mom wasn't pushing him to either. He was never able to tell me why he did any of it or why he allowed me to put my dreams aside and work my ass off in school for nothing.

The lies continued, and though I loved him more than anything in this world, I couldn't continue living like that. The hurt was too much to bare. I moved on and found my now husband. None of it was easy, it still isn't now, but life goes on.

If you're still worried or embarassed about telling your friends or family, don't be. Its not your lie to bare the guilt for and its not your fault. Liars are liars, and while you may love your husband and he may make all the promises in the world, if he carried on a false identity for such a long time and hid it from you, his partner in every aspect, you will never be able to stop questioning everything else.

I'd love to hear an update on what you decided to do.

Sarah
7 years 4 months ago #70717

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Replied by RecentlyDeceived on topic Husband lied about being a doctor for years

This was so long ago. I'm just finding myself in a similar situation. 7 years of lies. Working on it for 2+ - I just didn't know how far they went.  
In all other respects an amazing person. Well appeared to be... 

I'm wondering how your story went if you're around at all...
5 months 3 weeks ago #93750

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