HE CHOOSES HIS PORN OVER ME

  • Posts 22
  • Karma: 1
  • Thank you received: 0

Replied by NotAlone on topic he chooses his porn over me!

Let me clarify, I'm not making any excuses, I'm just saying if this is happening then he must feel he is missing something with the real thing. Has the original poster talked to him about why. He thinks he needs it? Yes I read that she said is displeased her, but has she watched it with him has she asked what he would like her to do or what he gets from it that she does not provide. My bet is no, some women view watching porn as cheating. I can understand how they may feel that way, I just don't see a guy watching a little visual sex on a screen as the same thing as going out and doing the real thing by having sex with someone else.

I'm speaking from experience now as this is what is wrong in my relationship and that is a lack of communication. This relationship in this thread seems to have the same problem. It's not the porn watching that is the issue, it's that they are not talking. My point was start talking about it and see if perhaps some compromise can be worked out, where he gets what he needs and you get what you need. And just telling him to stop is not going to meet his needs that are being fulfilled right now with his porn time.
7 years 3 months ago #69202

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Adamastor
  • Adamastor's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Per Aspera ad Astra
  • Posts 320
  • Thank you received: 1

Replied by Adamastor on topic he chooses his porn over me!

Betrayed Wife wrote: I have yet to see a man post that his wife is watching porn and compare him with those sexy guys and as a result not want to have sex with their husbands.


The thing is women are not interested in "virtual sex". When a wife compares her husband, she does so with real men and when she does not want to have sex with him, it just means she is having sex with somebody else.

So women rather cheat than watch porn while men rather watch porn than cheat.
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain

- Friedrich Schiller
7 years 3 months ago #69207

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 41
  • Karma: 1
  • Thank you received: 0

Replied by Shadow_Nirvana on topic he chooses his porn over me!

And most man who watch porn don't compare those women to their wives or girlfriends. I can see how you may think that, but look at it this way: when you cry during a sad movie are you comparing your life to it, are you thinking of yourself as one of those characters, or when you are laughing your ass off to a comedy , are you saying "man I wish I could get with a custard pie in the face every day!" ? I don't think you do. But you watch them because you need to laugh or you feel the need for sad emotions rush through you. It's the same with porn, the guy needs arousal so he watches porn.

And just telling him to stop is not going to meet his needs that are being fulfilled right now with his porn time.

This is so correct, you have to one up the porn in this situation. And don't say "Why should I do something to mae things better when he is making things worse?". If there was no room for compromise in relationships, there wouldn't be any reconciliation after cheating, which is the ultimatee betrayal and requires the ultimate compromise of self worth and dignity.
7 years 3 months ago #69211

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Older but wiser
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts 1751
  • Karma: 45
  • Thank you received: 8

Replied by Older but wiser on topic he chooses his porn over me!

All this discussion is beside the point. What she wants to know is how to get him to stop an addictive behaviour...in other words, how she can fix him. She can't.

She is in a destructive relationship with a guy who she thinks "has potential" if he would JUST STOP doing what he is never going to stop, which is typically co-dependent with someone involved with a compulsive, destructive person. This is like being in a relationship with a compulsive gambler, drug addict, alcoholic, womaniser, or any other compulsive behaviour. He won't stop, and she can't fix him.

All she can do is to dump this jerk and realise she has made a terrible mistake. She can't change him, but she can change what she is doing, namely, staying in a horribly dysfunctional and destructive relationship in which she will always be unhappy. This guy is getting worse over time, and that's going to continue. If she thinks it's bad now, in six months it will be even worse. And, life some guys, he might take this outside the porn experience to hookups in real life. This is a progressive disease, and you can't forget that. She has watched it progress, and she will watch it get worse until she leaves.

So, what she can do is TAKE CARE OF HERSELF, not him...you can't do ANYTHING for him. You can leave and find a good man who will treat you with kindness and consideration, and want to make love to you, not masturbate to porn. Sure, there are plenty of good men like that out there. So, instead of trying to do the impossible....FIX HIM, instead, get with a man WHO DOESN'T NEED FIXING.

Hon, read the book, "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood. In fact, all her books are good and will help you get out of destructive relationships. Also, "Smart Women, Foolish Choices".

Get rid of him and get out there and meet a good guy, and in less than a month, your sex life will be back to normal. Stay with him, and you'll be treated like sh*t. You deserve better than his guy. You don't need to take it to another level, unless that level is "gone".
7 years 3 months ago #69251

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 2950
  • Karma: 54
  • Thank you received: 206

Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic he chooses his porn over me!

I agree wholeheartedly with OBW. (By the way, where you been, man?)

This thread has turned into a debate over porn, with men justifying it and blaming their women for creating some sort of "need" for the man to turn to porn and refusing to acknowledge that it hurts the women they're supposed to love. We've forgotten the original poster and her request for our help.

This man in question is not going to change his behavior. He puts his own sick needs and desire way ahead of those of a woman he is supposed to love. He demeans and demoralizes her and totally ignores her needs. He's abandoned her sexually. He's probably abandoned her emotionally and in every other way. What is she even getting out of this relationship? What's there to even salvage?

I'd say leave him to be his own lover and go out and find a healthy, reciprocal relationship.

And btw, why do men prefer to masturbate rather than have sex with a live female?
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
7 years 3 months ago #69272

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 357
  • Karma: 9
  • Thank you received: 0

Replied by tinker on topic he chooses his porn over me!

Betrayed

This man in question is not going to change his behavior. He puts his own sick needs and desire way ahead of those of a woman he is supposed to love. He demeans and demoralizes her and totally ignores her needs. He's abandoned her sexually. He's probably abandoned her emotionally and in every other way. What is she even getting out of this relationship? What's there to even salvage?


I have to start by saying this is also exactly what women do when they use sex as a weapon and choose to ignore a man they are married to also. I consider it two sides of the same coin.

Next I would say my first reply to this thread was just as OBW and you stated, and that this guy has problems and they must be addressed or it is the first step towards this guy checking out. But just as with cheaters and addicts he needs a black and white choice either stop or she walks period.
7 years 3 months ago #69275

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Powered by Kunena Forum