HE CHOOSES HIS PORN OVER ME

  • Posts 357
  • Karma: 9
  • Thank you received: 0

Replied by tinker on topic he chooses his porn over me!

Betrayed Wife

I can see you point, but as a man you must also understand how demeaning and hurtful it is to be turned down by a woman that you love and who says love you on a regular basis. I am not condoning or making excuses, but first you must understand that men and women are different and have different needs.

For you situation I can see where my wife and I were in a similar situation, except for me porn cam after she had little to do with me. When a woman is willing to have sex with her husband once every 6 months I as a man could not get closer to her, becacause it only ended up in me being rejected and hurt. I would only say it takes two and if both dig in only bad things happen. For us because I pulled back my wife had an affair, but it just as easily could have been me. It is funny now that my wife and I are rebuilding she and I can honestly not say which comes first intimacy, communication, or sex. But I can tell you without any one of them everything falls apart. If you say you are not willing to have sex with him because of his porn, eventually it will become for him that he is watching porn because you will not have sex with him and the whole thing spins out of control. I am not trying to place blame, just having been in a similar situation it will take effort on both parts to fix, and sex should never be used as a weapon in a marriage or relationship.
7 years 6 months ago #69180

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Sir lost a lot
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts 814
  • Karma: 12
  • Thank you received: 3

Replied by Sir lost a lot on topic he chooses his porn over me!

I would have to agree with Betrayed Wife. There is no diffrence in me sitting around watching porn and having a shower and relieve myself while my wife is laying in bed wondering what the hell is wrong with her, (note I have not done this)than if my wife went to the bar watched some strippers and came home jumped into bed beside me and relieved herself with a vibrator. (note she has not done that either) My first wife figured sex was like a present that you only give to your spouse twice a year and thats all I got for six years. I got to the point that I got tired of begging for it so I rufused to even touch her for about seven months untill she sprawled herself infront of the t.v. think I'd just jump her right there. All I did was ask her to change the channel. Her response was you'll never have sex with me again..... and I said it's ok I'm used to that already. There was nothing wrong with me and although you might feel that was harsh of me, this was minor compared to the constant abuse I took from her.

Nothing is worse than going to bed with someone when every day they refuse your advances and as soon as you stop they wear a skimpier nighty so that you try again only to be told don't feel like it. When I'd stop with her wearing that then she'd come to bed naked only to instantly tell me no thanks as soon as my hand touched her. I spent a lot of time having cold showers but I didn't go watch porn, I mean what the hell I already had a woman in the other room that I couldn't touch the last damn thing I need was to watch some more on T.V. that I couldn't touch either. And that's why I can not understand for 1 second why a guy that isn't getting intimacy goes and watches porn only to subject himself to more torture and lack of intimacy that he'd get from a screen in his living room. Man you want relief why waste the time watching porn might as well go striaght to the bathroom and relieve yourself at least then you'd have time to go fishing or what ever else you might want to do with out the person your not paying attention to anyway.
"The past is what makes us who we are today, the future is the window to who we will become. To hold onto the past and not embrace each new day will only stop us from becoming all we can be for ourselves and the ones we hold dear to our hearts." - by me
7 years 6 months ago #69181

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 2950
  • Karma: 54
  • Thank you received: 206

Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic he chooses his porn over me!

tinker wrote: Betrayed Wife
If you say you are not willing to have sex with him because of his porn, eventually it will become for him that he is watching porn because you will not have sex with him and the whole thing spins out of control.


Women don't want to have sex with a man just to be his outlet because he got himself heated up by lusting for some other fantasy woman. We want to be our man's turn-on, just as I assume a man wants to be his woman's turn-on.

Yes, it becomes a vicious circle like you said. The porn causes the woman to withdraw from the man then he feels he needs to turn to porn. But the vicious circle is put into motion by the porn.

You speak of a woman who doesn't want to have sex with her husband. Here we have a case of a man who won't have sex with his wife. Again, she wants to have sex with him. But it's the porn that's making him not want to have sex with her.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
7 years 6 months ago #69182

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Sir lost a lot
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts 814
  • Karma: 12
  • Thank you received: 3

Replied by Sir lost a lot on topic he chooses his porn over me!

Like I said why would a guy if there wasn't something wrong with him choose to watch porn rather than having the real thing, that is right there begging for it. If he continues to do this she will just shut down on him totally just like I did when I had to almost beg my first wife for it. I would like to know was he in any shape or form reluctant to have sex with you before he started watching the porn or only after he started watching it.

I truly do feel for you, I know from experience that is very disheartning to be regected but a person can tolerate it, if it wasn't for the physical abuse my first wife dished out I might not have divorced her but thank god I did.
"The past is what makes us who we are today, the future is the window to who we will become. To hold onto the past and not embrace each new day will only stop us from becoming all we can be for ourselves and the ones we hold dear to our hearts." - by me
7 years 6 months ago #69193

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 357
  • Karma: 9
  • Thank you received: 0

Replied by tinker on topic he chooses his porn over me!

Betrayed

Don't get me wrong, my first post on this link was that HE has a major problem, and if not fixed is the first step away from her. She said she wanted hm and he was turning her down for porn, and this is wrong in every way possible.

You are right I do not think a relationship should be based on looking at porn to get worked up for a woman. But just like Sir Lost A Lot I have been on the recieving end of sex as a weapon. My wife would agree to have sex only if 20 things were just right and for some reason they were never right. I would have to beg or eventually turn into a complete ass before after 6 months she would say fine. This is just as damaging to a marriage as porn.

When a man can not get the one woman in the world he wants to desire him, then what else do we have, and yes sex is more important to men than women, but I don't think that much more. Some how in our society some women are told withhold sex whenever you are upset, or something is not just right, until the man gets it. But I am only saying it is a give and take and as my wife says now she feels closer the more we have sex, and that after all these years of withholding sex from me she can see how it affected her as much as it did me.
7 years 6 months ago #69198

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 41
  • Karma: 1
  • Thank you received: 0

Replied by Shadow_Nirvana on topic he chooses his porn over me!

Okay what the hell? Sex is more important to men than women? Ah, I guess that's why men have an organ just for sexual pleasure and why man have more nerve endings on their genitals... Oh wait...

The reason there is this assumption is that in the past women were discouraged from having sex. Men were encouraged. Now the tables are even, but most men fail to see this and continue to act like women having sex with them are actualy doing them a favor. And the fact that they see it as a prize, make them run after it like hound dogs and make fools out of themselves. Chivalry has made our gender stupid I guess.
7 years 6 months ago #69201

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Powered by Kunena Forum