my husband cheated with my best friend

  • Mrs_Jaydee85
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my husband cheated with my best friend was created by Mrs_Jaydee85

Last year February my husband, mother in-law, kids and i moved away from cape town to a small town 4 hours away. i had to give up my career in cape town to fulfill his dream. we moved in march to this horrible town. every thing was going hunky dory until my husband introduced me to his colleague's wife who eventually became my best friend. we started to hang out regularly we clicked immediately with this married couple. for months it was awesome as we at least have close friends in this weird place. i struggled to find work and became deeply depressed not being busy even though my husband and i have enough money. i still feel the need to work. so months past and my husband and i would fight regularly until it was so bad that my therapist booked me into a neuro clinic. after i was released we decided to get divorce. i moved out of our bedroom into the spare room and for 3 months we didn't share a bed. in the meantime i was served with divorce papers saying he will pay me R1000 x 3 months as a settlement. i got so pissed as i'm unemployed cause of him and here he is only going to pay me R1000 a month for 3 months. and i know what he is worth and what is salary is. so off course i went to my lawyer to fight for much more than a R1000. These couple of months living with this man after he filed for divorce was the worst time of my life, he cut me off from all finances, he didn't give me money for fuel for my car nothing jackass and if i needed toiletries he would go buy it himself. i cried myself to sleep every night. at night he would lock his door. don't know why he did it. In January 2016 i applied for work outside of the town we lived in and was the successful candidate. i started immediately and was looking out for my own place to stay i finally got a flat and moved in the middle of February without telling him. kids were staying with him during the week and weekends they were with me due to the fact i have to leave super early in the morning for work and by that time school or creche still closed. i was in my flat 2 nights when my best friend mother called me and said that my best friends husband just caught my husband and his wife together at a guest house. the time she called me my husband was already at my flat to talk. so i just put the phone down and ask him what the fuck is this lady talking about and he's lie was they were just copying series and movies at a guest house blahhh blahhh blahh. i asked him to leave my house as he is lying. he didn't want to and eventually he did some hours later. so after he left i got into my car and drove to her place to fuck her up which in fact she afterward said they not having an affair. which i didn't believe as she is a pathological liar. this bitch wanted my life, my money that i have worked hard for for 8 years of marriage and she thought she would eventually end up in my house with my kids. after the fight i went back to my flat and my husband was waiting there for me in the morning hours saying i must come home. eventually i did

the next day our therapist had a session with all 4 of us. which my husband and she still denied the affair. but in her eyes i could see she is lying and something is going on. the following day i woke up and my husband said there is something he needs to tell me and i just knew. they had an affair for 6 months where they actually rented a place for 6 months where they would meet lunch times having sex ect. i was broken but in a way i was happy as he begged me not to leave him ect. he is the one who filed for divorce and now he is begging me to stay and move back into the house. i considered starting over with him and moved back in the house. it's been months now and we have been doing great and i even send my slut friend a message saying i forgive her. it's 4 months later today and i feel this big regret of taking him back or moving back home. i think reality just hit me now about the affair and i can't move forward from it. it is stuck with me. when i think about it i just break down and cry. who ever said we can move on after an affair is totally heartless as i can't move on. it's holding me back. most days i hate my husband. i feel insecure about my body, my looks. i feel so fucking ugly and filthy. should i leave even though it's 4 months later and i can't get over the fact how he treated me in the timeline when he was having an affair and i would cry my heart out to this bitch every fucken day, while she was screwing my husband all this time. my therapist knew of their affair from the beginning but still encourage me to fight for my marriage i hate her and she not my therapist anymore. she said she saw something in my husbands eyes that's why she encouraged me to hold on to my marriage. but ja i need advice what to do as i am in a dark place at the moment. somedays i'm in pain and weeks on end i'm numb
3 years 8 months ago #88495

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Replied by I Will Prevail on topic my husband cheated with my best friend

My advice, and I was born and raised in SA....Leave your husband, if not her, it would have been someone else he would be in the sack with. He came running back to you after HE filed for divorce only because HER husband found out...its very common.

I have been where you are emotionally and the only thing that got me through it was to make the decision to move forward and focus on myself, (in a good way, not feeling sorry for myself). That pitty party only made me feel worse, I loathed myself, felt ugly, unattractive, and it didn't get better over time, it only got worse because that's all I could think about, was what he did to me. But as someone told me once, its my marriage that's over, not my life and so I got up and decided to focus on myself. I am still legally married to him, still live in the same house and he visits sex sites and chats up other woman behind my back while telling me (as all cheaters do),,'I have never cheated on you and never will', hahah) but it's only a matter of time before we separate. And although he does all these things behind my back, I don't let on about knowing anything, I don't confront him, I say nothing and I've noticed the less I say, the more he wants to know what I'm up to.

You have to pick yourself up and go back to what you started out doing. I know there are times when you probably felt lonely, scared and lost but YOU accomplished so much getting a job and moving into a flat of your own. If you continue to sit and feel sorry for yourself about HIS affair, HE will have won. Don't give him the pleasure of seeing you in such a state... Get up, start looking after yourself, do not under any circumstances dote on him, whining about what he does, where he goes, who he's talking to and how he's made you feel. He'll only see you as this weak pathetic person. Is that what you want? I'm sure not. What you want is to be strong, ignore him completely but not obviously like youre' deliberately doing it. Focus on you, enjoy your life and he'll start wondering what happened to you, he'll start worrying too, that's when you be as sweet as you can but give him the BOOT.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, imagine yourself swimming freely as you once were before you met him.
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3 years 8 months ago #88506

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic my husband cheated with my best friend

I NEVER let my husband's inescretions drip my self esteem or self worth one iota! I know my value as a person. It is rarely about the spouse's inadequacies. Do not let the actions of a cheater devalue you. You are beautiful and worthy. Let that be your mantra. I am beautiful and worthy. Cheaters have all kinds of reasons to step outside the marriage. The problem is him. Like IWP said, if not her then someone else. Your husband is hardly man of the year. Don't let his actions make you feel ugly.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
3 years 8 months ago #88510

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Replied by GA Blinded on topic my husband cheated with my best friend

I cannot believe the level of forgiveness you have demonstrated. This situation is toxic and I only see it ending badly after reading what you have said.

I would listen to what /I Will Prevail/ said.

There is no need for you to berate yourself. Is he a handsome man? Is the girl he cheated with pretty? Are you pretty? You are so pretty that a man of his looks, work success, and charm latched onto you. There's a reason that girl became your best friend so fast. You are both great girls. So now we know your husband has great taste in women, and you are one of them ;). He just has poor taste in life decisions. His type wants the trophy wife. Like we see in movies. He cheats, she cheats, but they look good together as long as they both look the other way.

Go back to that lawyer and discuss your options. Moving out is not always productive for either party or children. It could also make it appear to be abandonment. Which would be bad news for you. Follow the legal advice given to you (from the experienced attorney). Many law firms have a senior experienced lawyer with a lot of new ignorant lawyers. You can work with the new person, but, demand they let you meet with the experienced attorney before anything is signed by you. I just hope that time you lived in a flat doesn't come back to bite you.
3 years 8 months ago #88590

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  • Melithehappymom
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Replied by Melithehappymom on topic my husband cheated with my best friend

I am so sorry for that. Dont let this make you feel like you are not good enough
2 years 9 months ago #90423

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Replied by Drphiluponya on topic my husband cheated with my best friend

a-lot of the time its miscommunication. i know because i have went through something similar. and other couples who have had cheating spouses have the same patter. you both need to know each others needs and full-filled them. if you ignore the signs then of course one is going else where to try and have their need full-filled. this is the most common mistake people make. and it is what leads to infidelity. it could be physical, emotional, or psychological. at times it does not seem like a big deal to you but to the other person it could be what drives them to infidelity as act of desperation. 
4 months 2 weeks ago #93695

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