Chronically Ill, found photos that linked to my fiancé’s casual sex accounts.

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Chronically Ill, found photos that linked to my fiancé’s casual sex accounts. was created by Striped Heart

I’m desperately saddened to have joined for the reasons I have, but grateful to have found somewhere I can hopefully find some support. I’m absolutely shattered, after my first ever boyfriend, first true love & fiancé of almost 30 yrs has been found on a few different sites advertising secret sexual encounters, casual hookups for ‘No Strings Attatched’ sexual relations. I am chronically ill, I am enterally fed via a tube. My condition is lifelong & genetic. A link in his email took me to a site called locanto, it took me to an ad from him where he blatantly was advertising his sexual relations outside of our otherwise extremely good union. We met in a children’s home as teenagers, but were unequipped for progressing our relationship further at the time, we promised each other that if we later found each other we would settle down & rekindle our strong flame together. Over the next 17 years, we managed to find each other once & begin our journey only for his flatmate to assault me, causing the loss of twins. We parted ways again, meeting up in 2014, we decided to try again & miraculously I fell pregnant with our now much adored, 2+3month yr old daughter. Due to our childhoods we don’t have family, like parents ourselves or any other family so amongst all my health issues, we care for our little girl at home where my fiancé runs an online radio station & entertainment business. He has generally been content, there have been the usual ups & downs with being stuck unwell & having to stay at home without daughter & it can be draining with tensions rising, not having any relief from being here full time, but generally ‘we’ as a couple were still deeply in love, or so I thought. We have been through so much, I have nearly lost my life due to heart attacks, our daughter’s pregnancy wasn’t without it’s trauma & extra necessary care from my prenatal team due to my genetic condition it placed me in the high risk category. We have fought through everything together, he is otherwise an amazing, loving, warm, caring & wonderful manat I cannot fault him & am still wanting to try to have compassion for the struggles we have faced. We struggle to save for outings, holidays away & I 5ought we were travelling quite well, but it would seem that not even a month after we returned home he had made an ad in a moment of temptation. He claims he was hacked, cannot admit a mistake, or even explain why the photo was sent from his work email to his other email. The words alone have suggested to me that he is seeking a thrill he cannot feel anymore with me, yet our private intimacy has always been strong & beautiful. We had transparency, we were very close,  all of the sort of  things only twin flames & soulmates have. He maintaines his innocence, but as soon as I mention lies  or broken trust he becomes enraged. He says he doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinion but mine, that we are fine, that’ he wants to be here, that he does love me desperately, since this was discovered by me, he has been loving, warm & acting apologetic etc But whenever I want to discuss this issue, he closes off, even becoming aloof & cold toward me if I pursue the subject of betrayal, if it in any way is implying he has been unfaithful. The ad read as if he wrote it, personal things about him that  I know to be fact, things that couldn’t have been hacked from the net as they are internal personality preferences, nobody could hack that from email accounts.  I have tried to tell him how this is affecting me, I have made a suicide plan with beyond blue, but I  don’t feel strongly, to take care of myself as I feel guilty. I feel I’m not good enough anymore,  he was the one who always was my  hero. I’ve even gone to a private investigator to double check data of the accounts, they came back affirmative of his email. My heart is broken, my soul is shattered, I’m just needing to understand, so I can forgive him because I would forgive him if  it was the last time it happened. My anxiety about trust has been destroyed. I have what feels like existential depression, PTSD (from childhood)  & extreme anxiety. I would still do whatever I can to love him.
1 week 6 days ago #93486

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