Never acted on desire to cheat

  • aprilking
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Never acted on desire to cheat was created by aprilking

I have just discovered this site. I have been living in pure confusion and hurt for past few months. So here is my story. I have been married 12 years. I met my husband at a NA group when we were both recovering from drug abuise. We fell in love and married. Things were great the 1st 10 years. I had a major stroke in 2017 and almost died. I was very ill when i finally returned home. I couldnt do things around house that i had always done. My husband and my daughter ( his step daughter) who was 17 at time took care of everything. They actually bonded alot during that time. I was pleased at first that they had become so close but that soon changed to concern. They would "hang out" together every night when my daughter would get home from work or being out with friends i would hear her come wake my husband up to go hang out. they would go to basement and play music and smoke weed together. When my concerns got really bad i finally discussed it with each of them seperately and asked they stop hanging out so much.  They both thought i was acting crazy and due to brain damage from stropke i figured maybe they were right. Then one night my daughter woke me up and informed me that my husband had tried to kiss her. i got up and was so angry. i found him in basement with head hung down crying.  He was very sorry and knew how wrong he was it seemed but i made him leave anyway. we stayed separated a few weeks but it soon became evident to me and my oldest dauighter we needed him here.  he came home. he also started seeing a counsler about his inappropriate feelings for his step-daughter,. things slowly returned to somewhat normal. they did not hang out or hardly speak for a long time. i have been full of resentments.  then i ended up having a drug relapse from medicating pain from stroke and emotional pain from hurt. i ended up breaking the law during this time and got 52 days in jail. io had never been to jail or been in trouble so i was beyond devastated. my daughter had went away to collage. my husband was very supportive and stepped up to care for our 6 year old and household while i served my time. i realized while in jail it was time to forgive him and work on our marriage because i love him so much. our phone calls sounded as if he felt the same.  when i got out the 1st couple days were amazing. i sat down at computer one day and just decided to click the history. i knew he would have porn but i was shocked to discover he joined dateing sites, sex hookup sites and had actually looked for local escorts. i confronted him and he admitted he did that but looking was all he did and never chatted with anyone or did anything but look. he admitted he thought about cheating but couldnt bring himself to do it because of his love for me.  we were dealing with all that and one night i got his phone and happened to check call logs for time i was away there was a strange call one night near 10pm. i called number and was disconnected. i then googled it and it was an escort service. when i confronted him he said he didnt tell me because things with us were already rocky and when he called number was disconnected then to. he says that is when he decided he couldnt cheat. i am now having a very difficult time believing anything he says and i feel doubtfuil of fact he didnt cheat. i really checked out things looking for answers. i checked location history, all calls, emails, all his social media accounts. which i now have passwords to everything. there was no further evidence. i want to trust and belive him and we are in counseling. i can tell he is really dedicated to us. what do yall think? stay or go? believe or not?
2 months 1 week ago #93766

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic Never acted on desire to cheat

If you read these boards you will see t he same thing over and over. The husband signs up for numerous dating sites, puts ads on Craigslist, whatever. Then he ALWAYS without a doubt says "oh, nothing happened." "I never even intended to act on it/hire an escort/hook up with someone." Nothing ever actually happens! Then why are they spending all this time and money signing up on dating sites, only to not do anything about it? And of course they "behave" once they're caught. It is disturbing that they went down that road in the first place. Unfortunately once you're on to them they go underground. They can give you legitimate passwords to their phone/email/social media. But that doesn't mean that they're behaving. They can always get a second phone, clear their internet history, set up another email or social media account. They can pay for things with cash and prepaid debits cards, etc. I wouldn't believe him too soon. He's started down one path and has acted inappropriately with your daughter. He needs to show by his actions and attitude that he's genuinely sorry. He has admitted that he has thought about cheating and he took steps toward that end. Maybe he is honest when he said that he couldn't go through with it, but he did start thinking and acting that way. He needs to stay in counseling and ask himself why he thought about cheating, what led him down that road.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
2 months 6 days ago #93769

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