Toxic Relationship

  • carolinesmithson19
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Toxic Relationship was created by carolinesmithson19

I have been in a raltionship with my boyfriend for 2 years 6 months. He currently lives with his wife or with his children’s mother as he prefers to call her. She knows about me. He told her he told her about me and she is actually okay with it. Me and her have talked. but he refuses to leave the house where they live together. he says he cant hurt his kids.. that he needs time. Yet he has been telling me this for 2 years . it hurts me that I can not soend time with his children, I really want to get to know them and maybe start a family. I have talked to him about this repeatedly and at first he asked me for a year. And after a year he asked me for another year. Now its been 2 years 6 months and he’s asked for more time. I am frustrated and mad . Mostly at myself because I let him do this to me. When we first started dating I was still dating other people but only because I didn’t realize we were exclusive. We never actually had the talk. And I had also saw a few things that told me he was also dating as well. The thing is we never actually talked about “us”. Once we actually had the talk I stopped talking and seeing any other guy. But time later he asked me if I was  dating someone else while we were dating. I said yes and I was completely honest with him and told him about everything he wanted to know. He decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He  was extremely upset. I explained to him that I did not know we were exclusive and also that since he was married I didnt think he would want anything serious. anyway. He ended up forgiving me for this and its been two years 6 months now since then. thing is, I never realized how much he’d put me through because of my mistake. at first everything was amazing between us. Then he started fighting with me at every single public place we’d go to, accusing me of starig at about any guy that would be around. Most of our dates out would always end short and bad. Because I was always being a “whore”. Then he started telling me I didnt dress “decent”. He made me start wearing loose jeans, loose and long blouses. If I ever showed up wearing jeans that fit me adjusted it would be a major fight. same with the tops. Then he prohibited me from wearing make up unless it was to go out with him on a date. and my hair I couldnt fix it. Only wear it curly . My hair is naturally curly and he loves it. The one thing that I have always loved about him is the constant compliments, till this day he always reminds me how beautiful I am when I wear make up and when I dont. Also when I dress up (when we go out on dates I am allowed to.) he has also always been very caring and always goes out to make me feel special on special occasions like birthdays and valentines day for example. he constantly reminds me how much he loves me and tells me everything he prohibits me is only because he is scared to loose me to someone else. so let me get back to that, I have been dealing with all of his conditions and following them since I love him so much and try to keep us from fighting. But things have gotten worse over time.. If I go out to the grocery store even I have to notify him, and more than notyfing him I have to ask for permission . He will not tell me I cant go upfront but he will just respond with something like “mmmmmm.”  Or “youre always out but whatever” Most of the time when something bothers him or he’s not okay with me doing it. If I ever went out to eat witbout telling him it would be a huge fight. He also only lets me  go to certain restaurants to eat. That really bothers me because he basically prohibited every single restaurant I loved. now I only eat what he wants me to eat. also the only person I ever gonout with is my mom. He does not allow me to have friends or even talk to them.. then he started getting jelous of every single guy that was close to my family. So now things are very akward at family reunions, I love having him arround he is my boyfriend and I want him at family events but I am not the same person at them anymore, I now sit there with my eyes looking down most of the time because he will accuse me of looking at the guys. I can’t have a conversation or even laugh at any conversations the guys are having. He will immediately look at me and just ruin the whole night by fughting with me and leaving. I stopped visiting my brother since he has guys around and it hurts me because we use to be very close and I think he’s noticed I am distant. He rarely calls me now. Before it was an everyday call.. at one point he even accused me of having a sexual relationship with my brother. Which I immediately shut down and tod him that was the  one thing I would not tolerate. he later understood and stopped that behaviour. I have been trying to be the girlfriend he wants for two years now and I have been teying to please him in every way. But now I am trying to make my dreams cone true, I want to have my own business and I also would like to attend college. Ive talked to him about it and he immediately said he was not going to allow that. Since there will be guys everywhere.  Let me mention he has 5  sucessful businesses of his own. And I never interfere with that. He actually opened two of them while were already dating and I never tried to stop him I actually encouraged him and also supported him. I have talked to him about this and told him I want a change. I told him that I have been putting up with all of his conditions for so long and this just made me feel like my cup is full. I will no longer keep living my life the way he wants me to. I feel like a prisoner and I feel like I am failure. He said to me he would change but a few days later things were the same he was constantly checking where I was and also told me he would not be okay with me opening a business of my own. so I decided to end it . now I am sitting here heart broken, I had  been  In one previous relationship but  I feel like I have never loved this hard. I dint know what to do he is not willing to accept nor respect what I want in life and J honestly can not keep dressing or being the way he wants me to. I am tired and exhausted of being another person. This is not me . but I love him so much and he has also been there for me in my toughest moments . he is  always teying to help me out and be there for me when I need him, he also helps and loves my family specially my mother who is single. I dont mean financially  but he is always trying to be involved. I dont know what to do I Love hom but he is not willing to  change. Nor is he willing to move out of his wifes house. he has told me he will one day soon but that he bees time. I just dont mnow if I can keep waiting though I honestly lost Hope in him. I feel like this relationship has hurt me so much I am emotionally drained. but here I am thinking about him, heart broken and missing him so much. I love him very deeply but I feel like I need to love myself first. What should I do ? I want to be with hin but that means I will go back to the same life.. is it worth it? 
1 month 3 weeks ago #93813

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