Anyone in this situation? Married 19 years, wife cheated but....

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Anyone in this situation? Married 19 years, wife cheated but.... was created by DecemberDesert

I deserved it. We were actually married for 18 years at the time. I was not a good husband, she caught me more than a few times texting/messaging other guys showing pics of her and wanting to get off with them talking about what they would do to my wife. I was drinking way too much. I was holding things together but just barely. We talked many times of getting divorced (When she caught me and my texts). She finally struck up a relationship with a guy at work, long story short; emotional affair for probably 3 months and then sexual for a couple (she confessed to having sex with him 10x). I found out I lost my shit, we talked divorce of course immediately and she explained how she went to him for the love and support and trust she had lost for me in my many fuck ups. I could only agree that she had stuck with me and put herself through hell dealing with me so I decided to give her/us a chance. She said she never planned on leaving me for him or having a long term relationship with him (he was in a long term dating relationship with another women when they were hooking up). She said it just was a mental vacation from her stressful family life and dealings with me and my drinking and sexual betrayal I had done to her. I could understand that actually. 

Fast forward 10 months almost to the day I found out about her cheating... We are doing pretty well all things considered. There have been numerous times I have lost control and struck out at her for her cheating but she/we  have weathered it and  my anger and anxiousness and mistrust of her becomes a little less each month. I have lost almost 50 pounds (divorce diet at first but now I eat pretty strict and seldom ever drink and workout almost daily; probably best shape of my life and I actually used to be a fitness model) . I still have days I wonder if we should be together. We have sex maybe 1x a week it is good when we do (I think so, she seems to enjoy) but its just awkward. She seems like she is happy how I have changed but she isnt very affectionate to me, kissing and hugging and hardly ever flirts or says sexual things. Even in our bad days prior to the affair she would send me naughty texts and pics (which I disgustingly shared). I know she may fear if she does that again I may betray her and revert back to my behaviors but I need her attention and physical touch to help me get over thinking of her affair. I have seen a therapist a few times and she says that it will take time for both of us to earn each others trust.  Even though our relationship is much better in so many ways it is still different and we both have to take time to accept this new normal. 

I honestly believe she wants to be with me as we both have all the reasons not to be in this relationship if we wanted. She tells me she has not had any contact with him in the last 7 months (the only reason they did for the first 2 months is they worked for same company and would cross paths now and then, he actually left the job due to their relationship). 

I hope my wife and I find some physical passion for each other, maybe we just stay as almost roommates who care for each other alot (have sex now and then) until our last son moves out (probably 6 more years) and then we just decide to separate and say we had a good run being parents together. I hope that doesnt happen I hope we stay together until we both grow old and die. 

I guess I wrote this to ask if anyone has been in a similar fucked up situation and if someone just found out they are in a similar situation I can tell you how I survived it. All the best out there everyone. 
6 days 10 hours ago #93849

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