I lied my age to my 4 months girfriend, I said I was 29 but I am 38, she is 20

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I lied my age to my 4 months girfriend, I said I was 29 but I am 38, she is 20 was created by borbaz

Hi guys! I am new here and hope you're all good. I am a 38 yr old man and I am dating this 20 yr old girl for about 4 months. We first met at the gym but at that time she had a boyfriend (18 yr old), and only exchange some brief words. Then later I discovered she was now single, but I was not at that gym anymore so I contact her through facebook and then we exchange whatsapp number. Long story short, I lied to her about my age. I told her I was 29 yr old. So we started dating and everything was wonderful between us, she likes me a lot and I like her so much also. The "problem" is, she was virgin when I started dating her and I was the first guy to her. In the beggining I was afraid that if I had told her about my real age, she wouldn't be interested in me. I know, silly insecurity of my part. But then I started to really developing feelings for her. So everything was going very very well between us, despite the fact that I couldn't handle anymore this situation, about lying my age to her and her family also. (Yes, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she accepted). I promise I wanted to tell her this before, but I was afraid of her reaction, afraid to make her sad, and afraid of losing her. So I told her 4 days ago, how much she is important to me, and that I wanted to stay with her by my side, but that I had one secret to tell her. I told about my real age and she of course was kinda shocked and pretty much said nothing. The day after this we talk and I ask her forgiviness, in which she kinda agreed. The next day we saw each other and she was feeling confused but she was happy, at least from outside. She even made some jokes about my age, and other things. But now she told to her best friend and they talk a lot. So she decided she need to talk with me. I called her and she said she was worried about her parents and what they will think. She lives with them and she thinks they will not accept our relationship anymore. She asked me to call her mother and told her about my lie, which I did. Her mother was surprisely calm and very polite and friendly with me, not judging me at any time. But her mother now wants to talk with me in person, and this girl will be there also. I know if her parents allow her, we will be togheter again. I am writing this to ask about your opinion, what should I do? Why her mother wants to talk in person? The only person I want to talk is her, but I agreed. So tomorrow we will meet. I love her, and want in my life forever but I screwed everything by lying and not telling her sooner. Please, don't judge me. I want your sincere advice. Sorry about my english. Thanks a lot!
2 weeks 6 days ago #93768

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic I lied my age to my 4 months girfriend, I said I was 29 but I am 38, she is 20

If I were your girlfriend or her mother I'd have two questions. First -- he lied about this, so what else has he lied about? And second, is this how he deals with life? Just lie to get around issues? I don't know what your girlfriend's mother wants to say to you, but at least you've owned up to what you did.

That being said, you do seem more focused on yourself than on how this has affected your girlfriend. You mentioned that her mother didn't judge you, you asked not to be judged, and you were focused on her forgiving you. We all make mistakes, but you can't expect everyone to just let things like this slide. It's all about you getting out of what you did with little consequence. You lied to your girlfriend about your age, which was short sighted. Did you not at any moment realize that the truth would eventually come out about that, that you immediately did something that destroyed trust in the relationship? You took her virginity -- something she can give only once -- under a false pretense that she was giving it to a 29 year old man. It might have been a different matter if she had realized your real age.

I do see perhaps another issue here. Your girlfriend immediately asked you to call her mother and tell her about your lie. I know she lives with her parents, but she is of legal age and should be able to handle issues on her own, not call mommy and daddy. You also said you thought her parents might disapprove of the relationship. It seems to me that if you're going to be in a relationship with this girl you're going to be in a relationship with her parents as well. I can see her going to her parents for advice, but are they going to be calling the shots for her in the relationship? Will they be making her decisions for her? Will she bend to their will? I know she's young, but she should be of the age where she makes her own decisions about such things. This was between you and her, not you a nd her parents. This thing about them "allowing" the relationship bothers me too. She's an adult. Even though she lives with her parents, she is not a child.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
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2 weeks 5 days ago #93770

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Replied by borbaz on topic I lied my age to my 4 months girfriend, I said I was 29 but I am 38, she is 20

Thanks to your words Betrayed Wife. I tottaly agree with you, I am being selfish and now I can see. I also agree with you that she is a daddy's girl and they almost need to approve our relationship because she has a very strong connection with them. I think they didnt prepare her for the real life, always protecting her from frustation or lies. I am just trying to say what I think. 

To refresh the history, today I texted her and ask how she was, and she said she was terrible and her father and mother was really really pissed off with me. I know she still love me, but in this case things are pretty inviable as soon as they parents don't want her to stay with me. I think maybe she is not 100% sure about how much I love her, maybe because I am a man of few words. To continue, I reply her asking if this was a breakup and she replied yes, that we can't see each other at least for now. I then started to ask if it was her decision or her parents decision. I know I did wrong, I kinda pushed her to choose between me and then. I think I should apologize for this. Later then I told her if she really loved me she would forgive me. Again, another mistake of mine. She said she loves me and also that I wasnt understanding her side, in which now I do. After that, I told her how important she was to me, that she was a wonderful girlfriend and that shw will find a person who deserves her. We exchange a few lovely words and I ended asking her If we would keep texting each other, but she didnt reply yet. She is very very sad with all this situation and also I, mainly because it's all my fault. What should I do? Should I do apologize for what I said, for being sorta selfish? I will wait for her to see my text, but I am willing to go no contact with her, which I suggested because I dont want to cause more trouble between her and her parents. I still love her and want her in my life, and I am almost sure that she wants this also. She might be upset because she talked to them and her best friend, and they told her about that she trusted her virginity to me, and I lied to her. That made a huge impact in her thinking, but again, we still liking each other. What should I do? Thanks for your time.
2 weeks 5 days ago #93771

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Replied by borbaz on topic I lied my age to my 4 months girfriend, I said I was 29 but I am 38, she is 20

Betrayed Wife wrote: If I were your girlfriend or her mother I'd have two questions. First -- he lied about this, so what else has he lied about? And second, is this how he deals with life? Just lie to get around issues? I don't know what your girlfriend's mother wants to say to you, but at least you've owned up to what you did.

That being said, you do seem more focused on yourself than on how this has affected your girlfriend. You mentioned that her mother didn't judge you, you asked not to be judged, and you were focused on her forgiving you. We all make mistakes, but you can't expect everyone to just let things like this slide. It's all about you getting out of what you did with little consequence. You lied to your girlfriend about your age, which was short sighted. Did you not at any moment realize that the truth would eventually come out about that, that you immediately did something that destroyed trust in the relationship? You took her virginity -- something she can give only once -- under a false pretense that she was giving it to a 29 year old man. It might have been a different matter if she had realized your real age.

I do see perhaps another issue here. Your girlfriend immediately asked you to call her mother and tell her about your lie. I know she lives with her parents, but she is of legal age and should be able to handle issues on her own, not call mommy and daddy. You also said you thought her parents might disapprove of the relationship. It seems to me that if you're going to be in a relationship with this girl you're going to be in a relationship with her parents as well. I can see her going to her parents for advice, but are they going to be calling the shots for her in the relationship? Will they be making her decisions for her? Will she bend to their will? I know she's young, but she should be of the age where she makes her own decisions about such things. This was between you and her, not you a nd her parents. This thing about them "allowing" the relationship bothers me too. She's an adult. Even though she lives with her parents, she is not a child.




Thanks to your words Betrayed Wife. I tottaly agree with you, I am being selfish and now I can see. I also agree with you that she is a daddy's girl and they almost need to approve our relationship because she has a very strong connection with them. I think they didnt prepare her for the real life, always protecting her from frustation or lies. I am just trying to say what I think.

To refresh the history, today I texted her and ask how she was, and she said she was terrible and her father and mother was really really pissed off with me. I know she still love me, but in this case things are pretty inviable as soon as they parents don't want her to stay with me. I think maybe she is not 100% sure about how much I love her, maybe because I am a man of few words. To continue, I reply her asking if this was a breakup and she replied yes, that we can't see each other at least for now. I then started to ask if it was her decision or her parents decision. I know I did wrong, I kinda pushed her to choose between me and then. I think I should apologize for this. Later then I told her if she really loved me she would forgive me. Again, another mistake of mine. She said she loves me and also that I wasnt understanding her side, in which now I do. After that, I told her how important she was to me, that she was a wonderful girlfriend and that shw will find a person who deserves her. We exchange a few lovely words and I ended asking her If we would keep texting each other, but she didnt reply yet. She is very very sad with all this situation and also I, mainly because it's all my fault. What should I do? Should I do apologize for what I said, for being sorta selfish? I will wait for her to see my text, but I am willing to go no contact with her, which I suggested because I dont want to cause more trouble between her and her parents. I still love her and want her in my life, and I am almost sure that she wants this also. She might be upset because she talked to them and her best friend, and they told her about that she trusted her virginity to me, and I lied to her. That made a huge impact in her thinking, but again, we still liking each other. What should I do? Thanks for your time.
2 weeks 5 days ago #93772

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