How did he act when you kicked him out????

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Replied by MissM on topic How did he act when you kicked him out????

I found my husband was having an intense affair with a married co-worker that had gone on for over 1 year. I caugt them together in a bar then his hotel room while they were away presenting at a conference. He came home and confessed ( he was caught...it wasn't like he came home and did this on his own). I was ready to kick him out but we dediced he would end his affiar and we would work on our long term marriage. HE went to work the next day and told me he told her it was over. 3 months later I got a letter from a hotel chain with his recent stay date, asking for feedback. He had continued to see her. I called the hotel and found that they have been continuing 3x weekly ( Monday, Tuesday, and THursday) for the last 3months since I found out, and every week before that for the whole year of their affair. I didn't think he could have so much sex. He is almost 60! She is 45. She must be some kind of sex whore.

Now what do I do? He is a liar, but when confronted cries like a baby and says he can't live without me, but he will not give her up either. I don't want to be divorced, and I still love him, but I HATE what he has done. He has had one night stands in the past, but this is different. I want to kill her with my own hands. She is married and has kids and is pure evil in my book to be doing this with him. Do I ACTUALLY kick him out now that I know he lied to me about ending it ( probalby worse than the initial affair) and they have been continuing with no interruption to their crap. He was with her the week he told me he ended it! He is a manipulator, he makes women feel sorry for him. I heard him on the phone with her once ( he didn't hang up the right way and they were in his office) and he told her I was like his sister since we have been together since 14 and his mother took me out of the dumps to care for me. He told her I couldn't take care of myself and that's why he can't leave me. He told her he loves her very much and wishes things were different. I heard all this and am enraged. I have a good job with security and actually make more money than him. I want to kick him out, but also I don't. How do I fix this? He won't remove her from the picture. i gave him the ultimatium, made it clear all he would lose, yet he still continues with her! I feel like I can't fight this. I can't ever trust him again, and I am sick all the time about this. I think of them together and it makes me want to vomit. He is with her at work all day, 4-5 days per week and I have no idea what he is doing with her. They don't have to be in their offices and she is the superior, but not really his boss. THey are colleagues and of equal rank, but she runs the place. How do I fight this? She has her claws in him and he loves it. If I tell him to leave she will be with him. I know her plan is to have him and divorce her husband and I can't let that happen. I can't let them be together and happy while I am miserable. Help!
8 years 10 months ago #61458

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Replied by Dalou on topic How did he act when you kicked him out????

MissM wrote: I found my husband was having an intense affair with a married co-worker that had gone on for over 1 year...How do I fight this?


I'm so sorry you're going through this. My short and sweet answer is to 1) tell their employer 2) tell her husband, but do NOT tell your husband you are going to do this, and 3) pack his bags and have them waiting outside when he gets home.

I would do all three simultaneously to blow the lid off the affair and give it nowhere to hide. Give neither of them a chance at damage control. He's not going to choose as long as he doesn't have to, so I would do it for him.
"If something doesn't make sense it's because it's not true". - Judge Judy
8 years 10 months ago #61517

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Replied by Michelle S. on topic How did he act when you kicked him out????

When we broke up he was a total jerk for three months. He did everything possible to hurt me which blew my mind because he'd already hurt me! He spent 3 months drinking and partying and "dating" random women. When he finally sobered up enough to see his child for a few hours he began to beg me back.

Then he spent months telling me that he would change. That he had changed. He took responsibility for everything. Said I was the best thing in his life and wanted to be with me forever. But I kept waiting for some sign that he'd changed. And there was no sign. I still caught him in little lies. And when I gave him a list of things that would have to change if we were to be together again, he sort of lost that list in all his emails. Uh huh.

Finally I caught him in one more lie. And I decided to block him from my life. He can't email me. He can't call. Nothing. I think it's important to wait quite a long time before you start to believe all the stuff they say. Because it seems the first reaction is anger and mean ness. And the second is begging. But it doesn't mean that anything has really changed because in MY case, the third reaction was to lie some more. Once he thought he had me back on the string.

(The thing he didn't realize was that he never had me back on the string. I was listening to his pleas in order to decide if he was worthy of our relationship again. I was also gathering emails and evidence of his alcoholism and out of control behavior for court if we ever have to go regarding our kid. But really, I was doing him a favor by hearing him out. His mistake was believing that I was the same old girl he used to abuse. I get the game now. Sometimes you have to play a game a few times before you fully get the rules and tricks. I get them now.)
8 years 9 months ago #61817

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Replied by Hlindberg on topic How did he act when you kicked him out????

I am going through something very similar (but with a 5 month old daughter). I just kicked him out and wondering how it went with your experience. Did you end up kick him out?
3 years 3 months ago #91590

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic How did he act when you kicked him out????

Hlindberg,

You just posted at the end of a long, 5-year old thread. If you have an issue or questions, I suggest you start a fresh thread and tell your story. You'll be much more likely to get some responses.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
3 years 3 months ago #91591

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