Signs of Infidelity

  • the other women
  • Topic Author
  • Visitor
  • Visitor

Replied by the other women on topic Signs of Infidelity

im not sure if this is where i need to be? but what if you discover you are the other women and not by choice? after a year i have discovered that the man i was involved with is still married, living with his wife. and when confronted continued to lie! these men do not care who they hurt while getting their own selfish needs met.
13 years 3 months ago #8708

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Heather
  • Topic Author
  • Visitor
  • Visitor

Replied by Heather on topic Signs of Infidelity

I became convinced my boyfriend was seeing someone else and the signs were:

He handed a bracelet to me and said you left this in my room. It wasn't mine. He said: \"But I've seen you wearing it.\" Then when I questioned him about it he got annoyed and said I didn't trust him.

I checked his phone messages and found some texts from a woman at his work. One said: \"Night night x\" which is what he usually sends to me when he's working away.

When I questioned him, he got angry again.

He seemed more interested in sex and was aroused more easily.

I was intensely focused on him and his behaviour and I was looking for evidence of his infidelity. I've been badly betrayed twice in the past, so am used to the lies that men will tell when they try to cover up their betrayal.

HOWEVER, I neglected to look at my own patterns of thinking, my past and my behaviour. Obsessive thoughts about his infidelity started suddenly and only seemed to happen just before a period. I was actively looking for evidence that he was being unfaithful and ignoring evidence that he wasn't.

I was totally wrong.

The bracelet was his daughter's.
The friend from work was exactly that - a friend.
His interest in sex was because he had just stopped taking a drug to stop him smoking (which had lowered his sex drive - it was him getting his sex drive back!)

After coming to terms with my suspicions, he gently took me by the hand and talked me through them, with real and genuine explanations, offers of proof where he could give it. He gave me total understanding and reassurance and took my past into account, giving me the support I needed. He has offered to ring me via video call at regular intervals, including in the night when he's away so that I'll know he's in his truck sleeping alone. He's printed off a menstrual calendar from the internet for us both to keep an eye on and promises to help me with any intrusive thoughts in the future. He says he loves me and not only would he not do anyting to hurt me but that he has zero interest in anyone else.

So I'll say to anyone reading this site looking for evidence to be very careful because when I was in the middle of believing what I did, I came here and this site helped to convince me that he was having an affair. PLEASE weigh up the evidence carefully and balance it against evidence that opposes it. If you've been betrayed before do be very careful not to mix up the past with the present. Ask a good friend for a rational opinion if you have to. I could have ruined my relationship with a man who is better than any man I've ever met.

Don't just read the signs on here and try to fit them to your situation. You could be wrong.
13 years 3 months ago #8728

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 18
  • Thank you received: 0

Replied by srcapt on topic Signs of Infidelity

Just be glad you aren't married yet (\"gf\"). Some women crave attention and will actually draw it out of guys (encourage them) who would otherwise not flirt. My wife was like this (hopefully that behavior is over with). Then, when you tell them it bothers you they get mad. I suggest dumping her if she doesn't accept your feelings of disrespect and end it with the other guy. Tell her that you can't provide her with the true love she needs from you if she is going to disrespect you by flirting with the dirtbag. You will know what to do after she answers.
13 years 3 months ago #8733

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • al
  • Topic Author
  • Visitor
  • Visitor

Replied by al on topic Signs of Infidelity

Sex changed to being rough- unloving. Started to pick fights with me. Started to hide phone bills, the lap top, closed down pc everytime I entered the room. Made suggestions to friends and family that I was being unfaithful. I found the phone bill and he had scrutinized all my calls. I found the phone bill in the same bag I discovered condoms - we didn't use. Discovered on the phone bill the number of the female co-worker he called at 12am while on a bus. trip with her in Vegas. And of course when confronted - responded with \"What?\" \"With who?\" and \"When?\" to try figure out how much I knew so he could cover his butt.
13 years 3 months ago #8745

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • hurt deeply
  • Visitor
  • Visitor

Replied by hurt deeply on topic Signs of Infidelity

I totally can relate with you \"the other woman\". I was in the same mess. My CL lied about being married as well. I never felt the same afterwards. I tried breaking it off on several occasions even dated a few really decent guys who were great men and then went running back for the comfort zone we had created with each other and the promise of a future with him after his so-called divorce. That is the part about me that hurts the most. I beat myself up everyday over that part. Why would strong successful women allow the betrayal after we know the truth. Makes me think somehow we are as sick and twisted as a CL. I am hurt very deeply and doubt I will ever feel the same about any man. He has succeeded in in scaring me for life. I do not know what to do except now except I know that I am not alone out here and that brings me comfort. My faith in God has helped me tremdously and my childrens love. Hang in there and lets stay strong. We will overcome this dark shadow and find joy. Sometimes life does not work out the way we thought or wanted it too but it does happen for a reason. Much luck sister.
13 years 3 months ago #8748

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • puzzled and want to know for sure
  • Topic Author
  • Visitor
  • Visitor

Replied by puzzled and want to know for sure on topic Signs of Infidelity

My husband used to desire sex regularly except the past year. Now, his sex drive is completely diminished. It makes me feel like I am not attractive to him anymore. He works an hour away from where we live, he's rarely late coming home but there are times I have tried calling his office and he is not there. He is very sneaky, I have caught him erasing numbers from his cell phone so it doesn't do me any good to check that. He is very unattentive and unresponsive in and out of the bedroom. I can't figure out why he still wants to be married to me. I ask him if he wants a separation or a divorce and he says \"no\". I can't figure him out. He lies and sneaks and keeps his work life to himself. What do I do?
13 years 3 months ago #8770

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Powered by Kunena Forum