He hid his HIV status for 6 years

  • Lovelynot
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He hid his HIV status for 6 years was created by Lovelynot

This year has been one hell of a year for me.. I only have just joined my husband in another country last year. We have been married for 6years but living in different countries. I have been faithful to him and he assured me he has been as well. He visited before I finally joined him in 2017. January this year I found some empty bottles of what I later found out to be anti-retro viral medication. I also later found some other bottles which contained the medicines hidden away in his wardrobe.. I was devastated and confronted him with it. He denied and claimed they were pills for vitamins.. did he think I was a dummie? It took me about two months to finally go get tested because I was scared and depressed.. believing I have contracted it as well but was somewhat confused because when I became pregnant last year before I miscarried, all necessary tests were run on me including HIV but I was negative... I later summoned the courage to go get tested and I was negative.. thankfully the anti retro viral pills he is on is very strong and has reduced his viral load making it hard to pass it on.. He has had it for the whole 6 years but hid it from me.. within these six years he has been cheating and I have found text messages and even calls from many women . Last year I found out his Facebook profile was used to meet with various women .. he has been unremorseful.. a liar and has so many secrets . Just this week I found out he is diabetic and other health issues he has been hiding from me. I no longer have love for either him or the marriage. I don’t know who to talk to.. he also verbally abuses me and emotionally and psychologically abuses me too. I don’t know why am still in this messed up marriage. Am gradually going into depression. I haven’t talked to anyone about this all because I am trying to protect his privacy. But I have had enough and want out. I have become so bitter and always angry that it has started affecting my job. I snap at clients and at people even when I shouldn’t. I need some advice please.
3 years 5 months ago #91380

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic He hid his HIV status for 6 years

What country are you from and what country did you get married in?

And why were you married 6 years before you joined him?

I don't know why you're so concerned about his privacy when he 1) put your life in danger by having sex with you knowing he has HIV. Even though his meds make it "hard" to pass the disease on, "hard" is far from "impossible". If he loved you and wanted you to be his wife, he'd have told you of his status and used condoms to protect you. 2) He lied about it. 3) He's a cheater. 4) He abuses you verbally and emotionally.

You need to get out of this marriage. Talk to a lawyer to see what your options are. If you've already moved to his country, it's going to be hard to find support, and it's going to be difficult and probably expensive to move back home. But if you stay you'll be nothing but a shell of a person. Let people know what's going on. Let them know ALL of it -- the lying, the cheating, the abuse. You need support. Don't be concerned about protecting him. HE's the one who is doing this to you, ruining your life. He deserves to be outed because of his behavior. But you need to GET OUT and you need HELP. this is destroying you. If possible, get in touch with a therapist who can help you get out of this mess. Let your family and friends know what he's doing to you. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. This is about you, not about him. I'd only worry about his privacy in revealing his HIV status. There may be some violation of some law there, I don't know. But tell someone about all the other things he's doing. The HIV thing alone is worth you dumping him. Bu the lying and abuse as well are reasons to get out. Don't protect him. by protecting him you're enabling him. He wants you to hide the fact that he's a monster. But please, reach out to someone who can help you.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
3 years 5 months ago #91381

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Replied by IA440 on topic He hid his HIV status for 6 years

Welcome, and I'm glad you found this page.

First off, I think you realize you have to end this marriage. From what you've described, there simply isn't anything salvageable left. And I tend to lean on the side of, first off - let's see how we can fix this and stay married.

One line in your post really stuck out at me - "I am trying to protect his privacy". Well, fuck his privacy. He forfeited that long ago. Privacy is when he talks to you about what's going on and doesn't go to such great lengths to hide it. More properly, what you meant to say is "I am trying to protect his secrecy". One word, huge difference.

The best way I see for you to get through this is to start problem solving. First figure out finances, then figure out living arrangements, then figure out how to tell him you want a divorce. Again, based solely on what you wrote, I can see no possible future for you with this man. Get out now and never look back. How easy would it be to move back to your original country? How easy would it be to set yourself up without him where you are now? You mention his emotional and psychological abuses...do you have any form of support group you can connect with where you are? This is going to be very difficult by yourself. There are support centers globally if you know how to find them.

I wish you the very best. Life is about to get far more complex than you signed up for, but hopefully at the end of it all you can look back and be glad you're stronger for having gone through this.

3 years 5 months ago #91385

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Replied by g320 on topic He hid his HIV status for 6 years

Your story is so wrong on so many different levels that it is unbelievable. Not much to say except to second RE and IA.

Another thing I have to add is, different than REs opinion, I would blast to the 4 winds that he has HIV. Someone else may be not as lucky as you are.

It would be nice to know your country of origin and the country you are right now.

I would also like to state that if he would sue you for telling that he has HIV, it would be a crime and judgement on THAT country. As far as I know only heavier things like money laundry, kids kidnapping go beyond borders.

I think it is time to get all the anger out and kill the fly with a bazooka. Fuck him. Fuck his privacy. Fuck his secrecy. Time to be selfish and make his life into a hell.

Be grateful you had a miscarriage and you do not have to carry a reminder of him for the rest of your life. Sell things, give things away, drop the bomb and leave the country. That will be the best Xmas gift of your life. Instead of focusing on the things you lost, try to see the things that could've fucked up your life. You have a clear road ahead of you now. When the plane closes its doors, it is over. All you have to do is to embark on that flight.
3 years 5 months ago #91408

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Replied by g320 on topic He hid his HIV status for 6 years

For RE:

You are back here. How is your life ?
3 years 5 months ago #91409

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  • Marie H
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Replied by Marie H on topic He hid his HIV status for 6 years


First, I'm sorry you are going through this and what sounds like a long journey of being in an abusive relationship in addition to the worry you have had about your own health. It sounds like you have been alone with this for quite some time. Does that mean you have no family or close friends you can confide in? If so, being alone and having no support makes this even more difficult for you I'm sure. But try not to despair...you are reaching out for help so that means you are not giving up on YOU. Great!

As others have asked - what country are you in? But I'd also like to ask you what country did you come from? What country of citizenship do you belong to? Where did the marriage take place? For your physical safety and logistical choices that might be helpful to know as to what steps you can take to be done with this horrible situation you are in. What options are available to you?

From what you are saying I gather you still live with your husband but you would like to leave him. Have you made any plans at all to do that? Have you discussed it or mentioned this to him? Most importantly - are you safe? That is my main concern Are you safe?

As to advice about your relationship -- I think you know that answer, as we usually do. This is not a marriage in any way other than perhaps legally. You would not be here asking for advice as you have if you didn't feel like you wanted out. That is the first step.

But without knowing what options might be available to you it's difficult to give you proper advice.

Would you mind filling on some of the pertinent facts with regard to your living situation? Thank you.

I truly hope there is a way you can get away from this monster and get support. (((((Hugs )))))) Marie
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3 years 5 months ago #91413

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