My response to his sex addiction

  • Myabear
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My response to his sex addiction was created by Myabear

I've been married for 35 years & my husband had the same great job for 28 years. A few months ago he got fired for downloading porn at work. When he told me ha added that he had been masterbating to porn since before we were married. A bit later I asked and he told me that he had seen about 15 prostitutes over 4 years a few years ago.
I spent a couple of months just dealing with all of this, then I decided to do something about it. I should add that we got together when I was 15 and I have no other experience. So I decided, out of curiosity and to get some questions answered, like " how did this work for him" to cheat. At first it accomplished my goal of getting the obsessive thoughts of him out of my head.
But now I have become attached to one guy but he doesn't want to see me any more. I know that's probably a good thing but I can't stop thinking about him. I have stopped seeing anyone and am trying to put my energy into my marriage. But I am so sad thinking about the one guy I liked so much. How can I get these obsessive thoughts out of my head and move on?
I should add that my husband is attending SA and seeing a counselor and has not had a relapse and is very committed to me/us.
3 years 3 months ago #91662

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic My response to his sex addiction

Myabear wrote: So I decided, out of curiosity and to get some questions answered, like " how did this work for him" to cheat. At first it accomplished my goal of getting the obsessive thoughts of him out of my head.

I should add that my husband is attending SA and seeing a counselor and has not had a relapse and is very committed to me/us.


I'm sorry, but I don't understand your statement. How did you go about getting your questions answered?

As for your husband, he's been at this behavior for all of his adult life. He isn't going to change such deeply engrained behavior no matter how committed he is. It just isn't going to happen overnight. You're in for a long road, and there are always chances of relapse. But it he's sincere and he's doing what he needs to, you have to make sure he stays the course. In other words, he can't be making a pretense just to appease you, then stop going to counseling. He needs to stay the course.

As for the other guy, I don't have enough information about what happened between you and him. You said he didn't want to see you any more. Does that mean you were seeing someone else? Maybe you need some counseling of your own to help deal with the emotions that you are going through dealing with your husband's issues. If you have feelings for someone else, you need to decide if you want to stay with your husband and stay by his side during his recovery, or look elsewhere. After what he's done throughout your marriage, a lot of women might decide to leave him, and maybe justifyably so. Each person has to decide what they can tolerate. But that's your decision. But you're committed to working things out, you have to go about your role in the right away too. So again, counseling might help you as well. It's a lot to process and it's not going to be an easy road.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
3 years 3 months ago #91677

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