Husband having online affairs with men

  • Sasha0639
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Husband having online affairs with men was created by Sasha0639

Okay, so I am new here. I just wanted a safe place I could ask for advice and help without people knowing who I am or my husband. I do not want to embarrass him, but I need help. 

We have been together for 8 years, married for one, have an 18 month old daughter and a baby boy due in a month. We are not the happiest couple and we have had plenty of problems, but this one is new... well new to my knowledge. 

I have known about my husbands Kik account for like 4 years, but recently found it on his phone again when closing his apps and plugging his phone in for the night. But I discovered conversations, sexual ones, with 2 men. Of course he deletes the app so I don't see it on his phone, and on there when you log out your messages erase. So I didn't see much. But I did some digging and found the username and I already know the password he always uses. Messages would pop up insinuating that they have met before, sent and recieved pictures and video chatted I assume. After I confronted my husband about it and got no response I messaged the guys. Only one responded, but he told me they have actually been talking on there for about 3 years. My husband said that was true. But the guy told me they have met up several times over the years but never done anything sexual. My husband says the guy has asked him to meet but he never wanted to go. He got defensive and said he wasn't gay and didn't know why he even talked to them. I told him I never said he was gay and I wasn't judging him, that I am just confused and hurt. Just as hurt as if this were an issue with a female... which we have had many MANY times over the last 8 years. Never in person that I know of. But a lot of online chatting, sexting, video chats, etc. Which to me... hurts just as bad. He is being intimate with someone other than me, which is inappropriate. 

Have any of you ever had this issue in a relationship? The online affair with men part...? I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help him get over this or even just admit that he may, in fact, be gay. I have no interest in sex with him right now though. Not only because I am 8 months pregnant and uncomfortable, but because I just can't get this out of my head to even let him turn me on. Am I wrong? Should I be trying harder? I don't want to blame myself for this because whether it was a man or a women he knew it was inappropriate for a married man to do. I just need some advice... 
2 years 3 months ago #92858

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Replied by JScott on topic Husband having online affairs with men

Sasha – you are not responsible for his actions – he is.  He made the choices and clearly he has not changed his ways.  I am pretty old school and would say that if you meet up with a guy for sex, you are gay (or at least bi).  If you are doing it for 3 years, you are most certainly gay (or bi) – the “experimentation” phase has long ended.With two little ones, I suggest you focus on your and your kids in the short term.  Don’t contract an STD from him and don’t get preggers again (at least not by him).  Then you need to rationally and logically reason your way though this.  I trusted friend would be best because hormones are hell for a few more months.  Are you going to stay (knowing he is not going to stop and there are a lot more relationships that you don’t know about) or are you going to leave (likely the best thing for you and the kids in this instance).  Assuming he is not abusing you or doing drugs, you have time to plan this and you can get his parental rights terminated if you want to go that far. Use your phone to video what you see on his phone and then email it to a secret and secure email account and delete it off your phone.  Also try to get a good idea of what he is spending doing this.  I can give you a lot more tips on how to capture all the info you need but you don’t want to do that if you are planning to stay.Good luck and let us know what happens.
2 years 1 month ago #93068

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Replied by Kincaid on topic Husband having online affairs with men

I would love to visit with you
I also have a situation on here
If you find it, you will see how close our stories are
We could exchange e mails 
2 years 1 month ago #93071

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Replied by lala86 on topic Husband having online affairs with men

Hi I actually found gay porn and messages sexual ones to men on Craigslist ads. He took a bath one night and I could hear him whispering but when I asked him he said here look at my texts and phone calls I wasn’t talking to anyone but he didn’t know I’d go to his internet and bammmmm gay porn and I knew I heard him jerking off im the tub. Instead of facing the truth he ran out the door left yelled at me and said some horrible things then came up with a crazy reason why the porn was in his phone. I have had suspicion that he has a kik account but I can’t figure out how all that works??’ I feel you on all of this it’s tour husband your safe person tour best friend then you find out that he is into guys sexually!!! I was so sick thinking does he have set with them when he says he is at work and I started to get scared of aids and all of that. It’s gut wrenching and like you I have no clue what to do... am I the cover up wife for his secrets? Does he even love me or is he that low he can use me to set up this fake life so no one knows he wants to have set with men?!
1 year 2 months ago #93765

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