7 year relationship Done ?

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7 year relationship Done ? was created by 32andconfused

My fiance and I were together for close to 7 years. We met when he was 19 and I was 25. We share a daughter and he stepped up as a father for my son. 
Last year (summer 2018) he said that I was neglecting him, not showing him enough attention and he wanted space, however due to us owning our home together he had to stay in the house with us, on the couch. I agreed that things were strained so I obliged, only to unravel the fact that there was another woman he was in a whole relationship with at his job. We separated, however I made it very clear that I took my share of the responsibility of the cheating, because I understood I was not giving him what he needed. I pretty much begged him to stay and give me another chance. We decided to go to counseling and we ultimately decided to work things out. After that I was 100% aware of what his needs were and I tried everyday at our relationship.  

Fast foward to present day. 
About 6 weeks ago I found out yet again he cheated on me with another girl from his job, but this time the only reason I found out was because my yearly lady exam came back with an infection. Imagine my surprise because I thought things were going just fine, in fact the morning of, he sent me a message that said I love you, I miss you and I can't wait to see you later. 
I confronted him with this news and he said "well obviously I fucked up" and at that point I was so angry I said ok we're done then. Grab your belongings because this is no longer your home. And he left to stay with his brother. Over the next weeks, we spoke only about the kids. And one day he accidentally sent me a text that said I miss you so much right now. It was for her. And this our text fight began. 

I guess what I want to know is if anyone has dealt with a similar situation and at his age too. Right now he is 26. And I don't know if he just stopped loving me, or if this is just a phase he's going thru and since we have been broken up for 6 weeks now, if he's going to eventually realize what he did to loose his family and want to fix things again.

Unfortunately, I love him. Even knowing that he is with this girl, it makes me angry yes, but I still love him. I'm trying very hard to keep myself together for the kids, so I've been going to counseling but I want real like feedback. Please. 
4 months 3 weeks ago #93405

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Replied by Quinns1 on topic 7 year relationship Done ?

Hi

Sorry to learn of your situation. You are a very understanding lady. Unfortunately you cannot make someone love you or be in a relationship if they don't want to be. At 26 your former partner seems to want the freedom to be with other women while you provide the stable home relationship. This does not sound like much of a life or future for you and your two children. Live your own life, try and move on and if he comes back to you just be mindful of his previous behaviour. Good luck
4 months 3 weeks ago #93406

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  • 32andconfused
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Replied by 32andconfused on topic 7 year relationship Done ?

Thank you I appreciate the feedback. I have heard this from several people including the counselor. I guess at this point I'm having trouble grasping the fact that I did everything to make him happy and it still wasn't enough. I'm struggling with the idea of me being able to ever find anyone else to share my life with. 
4 months 3 weeks ago #93411

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Replied by Meet_Mochelle on topic 7 year relationship Done ?

You definitely will..
Just look for opportunities to go out more, hangout with friends/loved ones, meet new people, do more of social activities or things you find fun/exciting ,eat healthy...
I promise you'll feel better after a while if you keep to this
4 months 3 weeks ago #93417

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic 7 year relationship Done ?

He's looking for excuses to cheat. First he said you were neglecting him, but at the same time he needed his space? He he basically just blew off his cheating as if it were some minor mistake, and he's still in touch with her. He blamed you for his cheating and you took responsibility for what he did. He's probably not ready to settle down and at 26 he is probably just still immature. Don't stay with a cheater just because you don't think you can find someone else. Being in a bad relationship has got to be the worst kind of lonely. This is not just a phase. I doubt he's going to have a change of heart and suddenly turn around and be a faithful family man.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
4 months 3 weeks ago #93419

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Replied by 32andconfused on topic 7 year relationship Done ?

Yes, I've thought about all that too. But I really do love him. Everyday gets a little better, but then I have conversations with him like last night:
he was like on Sunday it hit me especially hard and I'm just so sorry for everything, and everything I felt for you was genuine. 
So I asked him, so what was the problem this time? Did you just not love me anymore, but you couldn't tell me? And he couldn't give me a straight answer, he basically said he was just going thru the motions and he felt like I didn't want him. And I stopped him right there, and said, no I think that was your guilt of what you were doing, and you finding a reason for what you were doing to be okay, because if I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't have been with you since the first time you did this but I practically begged you to stay because I wanted my family together. I told him I'm sorry too, I'm sorry that you couldn't realize what a beautiful family we had, and yes sometimes it was hard and stressful, but we had each other. And you lost that. 
I told him you didn't love me anymore because you don't hurt the people you love like you did. Especially after seeing how much it hurt me the first time. 
And he just kinda looked down and nodded. And then I gave him a little side hug and told him we're going to be okay.
But I definitely gave him something to think about on the drive home. Weather it slapped him in the face or not, I don't care, I got it off my chest. 
4 months 3 weeks ago #93421

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