Signs or Paranoid?

  • Quesy1111
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Signs or Paranoid? was created by Quesy1111

I am looking for opinions on some sexual signs of cheating. My husband started acting strange about 3 months ago. He lost 20 lbs., started worrying about his looks, brought up new music/band that was totally opposite from his music taste, and started being cold and distracted when around me. He seemed to quit texting me or asking me about my day and didn't discuss his.  We still had sex but I usually initiated and he seemed bothered or like it was a chore to get done. 
Then suddenly he became super horny. And did things he hadn't done since we first dated like jumping in the shower with me, telling me I was beautiful, he even said he really liked the perfume I was wearing-one I've been wearing for a year. He wanted sex EVERY night for about a month. I did ask him about it and he said he was just feeling horny and not sure why.
Just as suddenly and over this past 2 weeks he seems more back to the normal in interaction and has been too tired for sex and the 3 times we've had it he was unable to ejaculate. He has never had a problem with this in the past. We both did catch a cold but are well now. The first time he couldn't finish he blamed getting over the cold. Now 2 more times and a week has passed. During this time I also saw what looked like makeup on the shoulder of his work shirt...
To me it seems very much like he is cheating. I finally asked him if there was someone else and he got completely irate. He is now threatening divorce and giving me the silent treatment.  I am hoping for opinions. Does this sound like he is/has cheated? Am I just paranoid?
1 year 6 months ago #93625

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic Signs or Paranoid?

He does exhibit classic signs of cheating -- improving his appearance, listening to different music, being distant. Furtive texting, etc. Interestingly, an uptake in sexual behavior is also an indicator someone could be cheating, as well as compliments, etc. Responding with irritation is almost a dead giveaway. If my husband accused me of cheating I'd be defensive, of course. I'd be surprised and ask why he thought I was cheating. But reacting with an angry kind of defensiveness kind of betrays a person. And threatening divorce in my opinion is another dead giveaway. Cheaters always go on the defensive, acting like the victim when they are confronted, and putting the blame on their spouse and making the spouse look like the bad person. It's almost like he wants a divorce but doesn't want to look like the bad guy, so puts the blame on you for the divorce. Cheaters become master manipulators.

You need to lay low and observe. Unfortunately you have let him know that you're suspicious, and from now on he'll start hiding his behavior. You should continue to monitor. Do you have any access to his phone or his email? You could put a tracker on his vehicle or put a voice recorder in his vehicle. If you go this route, make sure that it's legal where you live. Don't mention it any more that you're suspicious. Act dumb. Act like you are so, so very sorry that you thought he was cheating. Lull him into a false sense of security. Hopefully he'll fall for it. Meanwhile, keep tabs on him.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
1 year 6 months ago #93626

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Replied by Quesy1111 on topic Signs or Paranoid?

Thanks for taking time to respond.  He's been exhibiting shady behavior patterns throughout our relationship. I am taking measures to observe. I'm pretty sure it's someone he works with.  
1 year 6 months ago #93627

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