Husband's cheating found with videos q

  • Corazon
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Husband's cheating found with videos q was created by Corazon

I'm married for 15years and blessed with 2 lovely kids. He was everything to me. Very affectionate dad to his children. Will do anything for his children. I should mention that it was a perfect marriage until this Easter 2020. He watches porn without my consent and knowledge but I always end up finding out videos from his computer. I didn't like him doing that, I've told him that it hurts me but still he could not stop. This started from the beginning of our marriage. I still loved him and I knew he loved me a lot too so I let go. I started getting dreams of him with other woman for the past 3years. Recently this led me to check his computer and I found 40 sex videos of him and his affair partner on his computer. I couldn't breathe or feel anything inside me for several minutes when I discovered about his affair.
Our love life was regular. Had no problems on bed.
I've asked him if he was interested in anyone else other than me for sex and he has said NO.
I've asked if I was the only woman he has had sex with through out his life and he said YES.
A few times I've even asked him to have sex with another woman if he was attracted to someone else (but I said definitely not without condoms. Just to differenciate between wife and mistress.)
I regularly asked him these questions and asked him to promise me. He made false promises on GOD and my children to all of my questions.
Even though I don't want him to take another woman I still gave him this freedom only because I loved him so much and I didn't want him to end up choosing someone else over me but still he fooled me.

I am devasted. I'm unable to accept that he's been lying all the time. His affair has been going on for 5years (2015 - 2019). The videos constantly keeps playing in my mind. I'm shivering, crying and feeling a crushing pain in my heart. I'm having panic attacks during night. Unable to sleep or eat well. It's been a month now. I haven't changed a bit. I'm suffering. I've shut myself up. Feel dead.

He says that he has ended the affair last year because of guilt and regret. He feels sorry and is asking for my forgiveness. He says that he feels disgust when he thinks about his past. He calls it past already. He says that he tried to confess several times but didn't confess because he was afraid that I would leave him. I'm unable to believe anything he says because he didn't confess. He still gave me false promises even after I discovered the videos then when I showed him proof then he agreed. He says he was addicted and couldn't stop. He says he enjoyed sexual pleasure from the other woman. He assumed that I won't find, so he wanted to continue for sometime and then stop. He was confident and convinced that he could hide it from me. Actually true. I would not have found out because their contact was never through phone or emails. She was his colleague so they used work phone for chatting and to plan their meeting.

I have so many questions piled up in my head. I've become angry and violent. I don't intend or plan to hurt him or call him names but I always end up slapping him and calling him names whenever I ask him about this. This is not me. I've never been like this. I've never even raised my voice to him. He and I can't believe that I can yell this much. Recently he got frustrated with my behaviour and hit me back a few times.

I'm unable to forgive as he, didn't confess, has made false promises, broken mistress rules and gave my place to her, I can't accept that she was better than me on bed. I'm unable to accept that I'm not as good as her and that has damaged my self confidence so much.
I will forgive him someday for sure but reconciliation remains as a question mark. Should I continue to live with him for the sake of my innocent children or should I walk out this marriage. I don't want my kids to know about their father's betrayal even if I divorce. I need help.
1 week 4 days ago #93845

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Replied by DecemberDesert on topic Husband's cheating found with videos q

I read your story being the one who was cheated on by my wife. If you read my story you would know I deserved being cheated on. I still feel all you feel and your descriptions of how it feels is spot on. I cant even imagine the trauma of actually seeing video of them together. I am in no way in a position to give advice but I would be afraid of how physical assault is happening from a result of being in this position. 
It is still very recent for you and those first 3-4 months can be scary. I did things and thought things I never dreamed I would do. I was working on 2-3 hours of sleep for days at a time and would find myself so angry I fear I could have killed her BF if I came across him. Your kids are priority 1 and any decisions should be their safety. It sounds like a volatile situation so please be careful. Once I got about 4 months out from D Day I was starting to think more clearly. I hope you are able to navigate this, good luck I hope you can find someone you can talk to .
5 days 9 hours ago #93851

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