I have 2 big problems

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I have 2 big problems was created by shocked and tired

I am going to try and be concise as possible.

The first issue I have is my husband's 28 year old son, my stepson, who lives with us.  He is a compulsive liar.  He lies about everything, big and small.  The two latest lies are:  1.  He was recently diagnosed with congestive heart failure, and has an implant device. Dr. told him low fat, low sodium diet.  He says he is following the prescribed diet, yet his bank account statement shows visits to taco shops, burger joints, pizza restaurants, bars, pubs, etc. Since his father and I are both working during the day, we believed him, but once I saw the bank statement, I realized he was lying. 2. His second lie..he is supposed to be paying us a certain amount for rent.  He has been on unemployment since his health issues started, and the Dr. mentioned that he may go on disability. He told his dad that he stopped certifying for unemployment so it wouldn't interfere with his chance of being approved for disability.  According to the bank statement, he has been receiving unemployment all along, even when he told us he wasn't.  He hasn't paid rent in two months because he told his dad he was no longer receiving unemployment.  Instead of paying his bills, he's been blowing his money on food. I feel like we are working harder at trying to keep him healthy than he is. (Husband does not know about the bank statement, I saw it by accident)

My second problem: My husband and I have been married 4 years.  We both have adult children, and the blending of our families has been pretty seamless.  Last year we accompanied my 25 year old daughter to Baltimore to watch her graduate with her Masters Degree.  We stayed at an AirBnb.  As I was going through the rooms to ensure we had not left anything behind, I noticed my husbands phone was on the soap dish in the shower.  I grabbed it, and realized he had it open to a page of nude photos.  No big deal, I have no issue with that.  However these photos were of my 25 year old daughter.  Three of them were of her topless, one was a fairly close up shot of her private area. They were all taken with hidden cameras, it is obvious my daughter has no idea she was being photographed.  I confronted him, he admitted it, cried, said he would deleted them immediately, etc.

I believe him, yet I am still struggling.  I can't bear to have sex with him any longer, as I assume he is seeing those photos in his mind. I have no idea what to do now.  
3 weeks 4 days ago #93296

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Replied by sal9396 on topic I have 2 big problems

Boy, I thought I put up with a lot! Your husband BROKE THE LAW! He took private, nude images, and IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER! Hello!!!!! I don't understand why you wouldn't run, screaming, from him immediately when you saw naked pictures of your daughter on his phone. I bet he cried! And you think this is it, the only thing he's done? I would toss his sick, perverted ass, as well as his lazy son, out and move on.
3 weeks 3 days ago #93307

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  • shocked and tired
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Replied by shocked and tired on topic I have 2 big problems

I know you are right, I guess I had to see it in writing.  I am scared of having failed at another marriage.  I have no way of knowing whether he has done anything else, but I would be naive to assume the pictures I found were the only ones.  I am terrified of trying to unravel our lives, we have been together 10 years, married for 4 1/2.  He went to counseling immediately upon our return, but I don't know whether it is helping or not.  He says he loves me, and doesn't want to loose me, but I think he already has. 
3 weeks 3 days ago #93308

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic I have 2 big problems

They all declare their undying love when they get caught. They all promise to go to counseling. It's a smokescreen. It's hard to stay mad at a person who's swearing they love you. They may go to counseling just enough to appease their spouse.

If I were you I'd rather have a failed relationship (failed meaning 100% HIS fault, not yours) than be married to a man who would sneak nude photos of my daughter. Are you seriously still staying with him after he did something like that to your very own daughter? If you keep him around, how would she feel about that? You'd be better to lose him than lose her. If my stepfather took pictures of me and my mom stayed with him, I'd never forgive her. His actions show that is a disgusting pervert. And what else has he done?

Oh, and by the way. I can delete pictures from my phone all day long. But they still remain in the cloud unless you delete them from there. He still has access to the pictures.

As for the son, let him eat whatever he wants. He's a grown man with full mental ability to know that his diet can kill him. I assume you showed your husband the bank statements. He is now in a position to either keep the deadbeat around, make him pay rent, or put him out. I'll bet with all this free time he has since he isn't working, he isn't helping with the household chores either.

Yes, you do have 2 big fat problems. And I'd walk away from both of them. There are things worse than unraveling your lives, that being staying with a disgusting sicko and his slob son.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
3 weeks 3 days ago #93309

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