Will he ever stop compulsive lying?

  • MrsHadEnough
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Will he ever stop compulsive lying? was created by MrsHadEnough

Hi,

My husband has lied all of our marriage (15 years). In June, I recognised I was feeling so resentful towards him and was losing my own self-respect. Over the years we have discussed his lying and he always promises he won't do it again and I always wanted to believe him. In June I told him I'd had enough and I was going to look at buying my own house. I also booked myself into some counseling sessions. In my second session, my counselor suggested I bring my husband to the next session. I was surprised and not excited by this suggestion, as I was totally resigned to leaving him. We had the session and the counselor diagnosed him with a lying addiction and has asked me to give him three months to work with him. I have no faith at this point and wondered if anyone else is married to a recovered liar and they now tell the truth. I have had an offer accepted on a house and the solicitor is requesting payment to begin proceedings, but I'm having doubts and want to know if he could become honest.  Would love to hear there is hope.
1 week 3 days ago #93494

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic Will he ever stop compulsive lying?

I'm not a counselor or mental health expert, but it seems to be that giving someone 3 months to deal with a lifelong deeply entrenched problem, an addiction, can be done. It's not a matter of YOU working with HIM. It's a matter of him 1) recognizing he has a problem, 2) wanting to change his behavior and 3) actually doing something about his behavior such as getting treatment. You "working with him" isn't going to make him change. He has to want to help himself and he has to actively seek help. Perhaps this is designed to "scare him straight". Maybe if he feels like he's hit rock bottom and is going to lose you it will force his hand. But that desire to stop lying has to come from him. And what happens at the end of the 3 months? What if he's still lying? I agree that there has to be some ultimatum -- get help or get out. Because he certainly won't change if you keep putting up with it. Meaning, you have to do your part in this. But so does he.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
1 week 2 days ago #93501

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Replied by MrsHadEnough on topic Will he ever stop compulsive lying?

The 3 month deadline was given by our counselor, but to be honest I really don't see any behaviour or comments from my husband that he's sorry, admitted to his lies or wants to change. He literally treats me with contempt and to think last night I was writing down truths, as well as lies he's told this week to share honesty with him. He's get so aggressively defensive too, that he won't even listen to me or my feelings.
1 week 2 days ago #93503

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