i’m in love with a liar

  • kaitsonne
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i’m in love with a liar was created by kaitsonne

Me and my fiancé have been together for 3 years long distance (about a 2 hr drive apart). A month ago we finally made the step to move in with each other, forcing me to leave my well paying, secure job to come to place that i’ve never lived and away from all of my family and it has been really hard. On top of that I have yet to be able to find a job so money has been a major cause of stress to me. Basically, long story short, I found out that my fiancé has been CONSISTENTLY lying to me about his finances (i.e. telling me he has a lot more money than he actually has) and it put me into a false sense of security thinking we’d be okay while i was still looking for employment. He had been taking out cash advances of his check so he could buy random nonsense that he didn’t need so when his actual check came out, he ended up in the negative because the cash advances caught up to him. He never once thought to tell me that so he just kept covering it up. Not only that but we decided to create a joint account and I put $600 in that account (that money was in fact a gift for my birthday) for bills and such, the next day he managed to drain that account of all of its money for his personal bills that he wasn’t able to budget for. I found out that the “personal bills” he needed to pay for were video games and beer. Said personal bills He also told me that he was receiving an $800 bonus that he would be entirely putting into that joint account, it took me 2 weeks of constant pestering to find out that the said bonus also never even existed. It has been a month and he still has not replenished that money. He has contributed nothing to our household and the entire move was basically funded by my entire savings and the help of my mother. This isn’t the first time he has lied to me about really important stuff and I told him then that if this ever happened again I would end thin. I can’t bring myself to leave him because I love him and we have started this life together. This whole situation is weighing very heavily on my heart. He lies to me all the time about really trivial things that don’t matter and the fact that he is able to lie to me like it’s nothing kills me. I so desperately want things to work out with us but this lying is killing me. I think the most frustrating thing is that he never has a reason for lying to me, he always says “i don’t know why i lie all the time i just do”. We have never had any major fights before so this is throwing me for a loop. I am far from a perfect person but i’m trying so hard to better myself but part of me feels like i’m bettering myself for the wrong person because I don’t know how we can get past this. It’s really hard because i’m truly in love with him. I doubt this post makes any sense but I’m at a loss for what to do. Am I crazy for wanting things to work out?    
5 months 2 weeks ago #93557

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic i’m in love with a liar

There is no working it out. His behavior is deeply ingrained. He's lied all his life. People don't change habits easily. As long as you keep putting up with it he'll keep lying. Not to mention he will ruin you financially. You've already giving up WAY too much for this man.

The only way he'll change is if he really WANTS to, not just says he wants to. He needs to essentially hit rock bottom and have that wakeup call. Losing you might be that wakeup call. Then again, it might not be. You need to stop enabling him. Insist -- not ask -- Insist that he get counseling and STAY in counseling. I know you're in love with him, but that doesn't mean that he is worthy of your love.

And please do NOT put any more money into a joint account. He's proven that he can't control himself. I think you're really not much more to him than his free ride and his cash cow. CUT HIM OFF FINANCIALLY and see how he reacts. If all you are is a bank account to this guy and you no longer give him money, you'll see what he really is.

It sounds harsh, I know, but you really need to insist he gets help, and don't give him another penny. You can't take a soft soap approach to dealing with this. You need to be firm and unwavering. If you waver one bit, he'll take it and run.

Again, there is no working it out unless HE does HIS part. 100%.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
5 months 2 weeks ago #93564

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