I need help. I’m coming unglued right now because of my husband’s constant lies

  • laaf76
  • Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts 2
  • Thank you received: 4

I need help. I’m coming unglued right now because of my husband’s constant lies was created by laaf76

I’ve been married to my husband for almost 13 years now.  I didn’t realize he was a compulsive liar until probably four or five years ago.  So far, I have only caught him lying about little insignificant things, but he does it constantly and I always know he is lying to me.  When I contradict what he his saying with proof that it can’t be the truth, he then changes the story to a different lie.  I’m so sick of it.  I gave up my career after our first daughter was born over 10 years ago and have been a stay at home mom ever since.  We have a second daughter, now, eight years old.  My husband’s work schedule is so crazy that I never felt like I could return to work, because my daughters needed some stability in their lives and a parent that they could always count on.  Now, I just feel trapped...and honestly the thought of leaving him and having to share custody with him just doesn’t seem like an option.  I don’t know what I would do for employment having been out of the work force for so long.  But, I’m so sad.  Our insurance sucks, so even therapy doesn’t seem like an option because we would have to pay for it out of pocket.  I just can’t believe he hid who he truly was for so long and I created this life with him and these innocent children with him.  I have no friends or family in this town where we live so, I just feel so alone.  If it wasn’t for my daughters I was just commit suicide...but I know I can’t leave them with there monster of a father as their only influence.
The following user(s) said Thank You: HeatherFeather, Jaded_Dragon_Lady
6 months 4 weeks ago #93675

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 1
  • Thank you received: 4

Replied by Fayelinatlife on topic I need help. I’m coming unglued right now because of my husband’s constant lies

Your post could have been written by me. Your life and feelings mirror mine, except that all three of our children are grown and I'm still married to the compulsive liar and have been for 30 years. THIRTY years. My main advice to you is to get out before you find yourself to be 58 like I am and feel like you have thrown away your entire life. I, too, have contemplated suicide and the same thing stops me that stops you. I do not want my children to be left with the horrible person that their father is. I regret quitting my job after our second child was born. Being able to be home with my kids was great at the time I was doing it, but I feel basically like an idiot for making that choice. I will never be able to get a decent-paying job at my age, having been out of the workforce so long. Yes, my children benefited from me staying at home, but I think they would have been fine had I continued working. My self-esteem immediately plummeted with no paying job, and my husband reminds me on a regular basis that I don't have a "job" even though I am on my feet constantly and work 14 hours a day. He also was the person who encouraged me to stay home. I thought life would be easier when my children started college and that they wouldn't need me as much but they still do, just in different ways. If I leave my jerk of a husband, I know that he will make my life as miserable as possible. Today, after the 1 millionth stupid lie, I think I have finally found some peace in my brain. I wanted to wait until my daughter was done with college so as to not disrupt her life during a time when she needs to concentrate on studies, but I don't think I can. I'm so tired. I want to be happy. I do not want therapy or marriage counseling - I want to be alone. Can you imagine a liar getting anywhere in counseling? No, he would lie about his lying and everything else. I am going to start quietly and slowly getting our house ready to sell and move as much money as possible into a different account so I have at least a little when the post-divorce punishment begins. I literally feel like I am going insane. Sometimes I think I am paranoid because all that I can think of every single time he opens his mouth is that he is lying. I hate him for it. He also treats complete strangers with an amazing amount of kindness, but treats our daughter and I like dirt. He was mean to all of our children when they were little. I could write a book here. I just want you to know that you are not alone, but I cannot say to you that it will get better because it will not. My stomach is constantly tied in knots and I have a headache every day. I feel like crying constantly. If you ever want to talk privately, let me know, I would love a friend. I have no friends either - my husband has made sure of that. He has also contributed to alienating me from my relatives. I know this sounds terrible, but I will never encourage my children to get married. If I had it to do over again, I would not marry but still have children with sperm donors. My husband never helped me with anything concerning the kids and he still doesn't, except to throw money at them in an attempt to buy their love, so having children with no father in their lives would be no different. It would actually be better, because I wouldn't be so depressed and I would be a happy person to be around. Okay, I'm going to stop now - I just realized what an unorganized mess this reply is. Anyway, if I don't hear from you, I do wish you luck, as in that your husband drops dead from a heart attack, or at least that you find the courage to leave. That sounds awful, but please know that I'm not a psychopath and the person I was before I got married to a pathological liar would not have said that.
The following user(s) said Thank You: laaf76, Barrakuda, HeatherFeather, Jaded_Dragon_Lady
6 months 6 days ago #93700

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • laaf76
  • Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts 2
  • Thank you received: 4

Replied by laaf76 on topic I need help. I’m coming unglued right now because of my husband’s constant lies

Thank you for you reply and sharing your story. I’m sorry for your pain. I can’t say that my husband is mean to me or our daughters. He’s not the greatest, by far, but he’s not the worst either. He is a compulsive liar and he has several self-destructive tendencies like overeating, smoking, only drinks soda, & refuses to exercise...all of which make me worry about the kind of influence they are having on our daughters, but luckily with his work schedule, he las limited exposure to them. However, if we were to divorce and he’d get joint custody that dynamic would indeed change. So, for the sake of our kids, I stay. I will say this, right after I wrote the first post, he sought out a counselor and made himself an appointment, which was yesterday. I don’t know if it’s going to make a difference...I’m not holding my breath. But, I do hope so.

I would welcome your friendship, as well, and am willing to speak privately any time.
The following user(s) said Thank You: HeatherFeather, Jaded_Dragon_Lady
6 months 6 days ago #93701

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 7
  • Thank you received: 3

Replied by MsNotMrs on topic I need help. I’m coming unglued right now because of my husband’s constant lies

Honestly, I don't know what to say that can help, but my heart goes out to you. I am a SAHM with a small business that is very new and sometimes takes more money than it makes. I know what it's like to feel financially dependent on someone else, especially when you have been betrayed by them. Please take care of yourself. I know it is hard, trust me.
The following user(s) said Thank You: laaf76, HeatherFeather
6 months 6 days ago #93704

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 1
  • Thank you received: 2

Replied by Whaleyji on topic I need help. I’m coming unglued right now because of my husband’s constant lies

I just read your reply and I'm in awe...I came to this site just looking to see if people go through what I do. You mentioned you're not a psychopath and that really hit me because I feel like I have to repeatedly say that to myself. My husband is the liar and I'm the questioning my sanity. I've been married for almost ten years I honestly thought this was something someone grows out of. I still feel like I've dedicated so much of my life like what's the point in leaving....then last night hits and he's messaging someone and I see it clear as day and he denies it. I can't believe that he still lied after I seen it, I woke up feeling so awful I had to call into work. I work in customer service and just new I couldn't deal with people today. Yep this is still me after 10 years of this crap....
The following user(s) said Thank You: HeatherFeather, Jaded_Dragon_Lady
4 months 2 weeks ago #93746

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 1
  • Thank you received: 1

Replied by HeatherFeather on topic I need help. I’m coming unglued right now because of my husband’s constant lies

I'm in awe. I went online asking google if I should stay with my liar of a husband and it brought me here. I'm 25, have 2 girls 8 and 4, and been married over 7 years. Last night he lied to me again and (i didnt know this could happen) it sent me into emotional tourrettes. My anxiety was so high I was shaking and jerking and could barely talk. He does this thing where after hes caught and dosnt wanna fight anymore he cries and apologizes and says he will change. Fast forward to over 8 years of these lies and emotional sabotage and now I'm stuck. Too sick to work so I'm a stay at home mother with no job and no where to go. I hate him. I hate what hes done to me. I cant handle it anymore. I feel insane. I'm so sorry there are so many women out there dealing with this! 
The following user(s) said Thank You: Jaded_Dragon_Lady
2 weeks 3 days ago #93841

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Powered by Kunena Forum