CHEATERS GUIDE TO RECOVERY

  • recovering Suzie
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Replied by recovering Suzie on topic CHEATERS GUIDE TO RECOVERY

Good analogy DT!
11 years 3 months ago #24257

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Replied by morgrona on topic CHEATERS GUIDE TO RECOVERY

Wow. You are all in my head reading my mind (especially you Marie)!

Notes to cheaters from a betrayed girlfriend:

I cannot stress how important it is to 100% fully concentrate on working on your chosen relationship (if you want to) or just let it go. You cannot have it all and keep everyone in your life. If you have to hide any relationship with anyone from me, then you know you are not doing the right thing.

Don't get me wrong, I am not about controlling you (the cheater). No one can truly control anyone else. Each person has to dig deep and find their own strength of character.

You cannot be the good guy and be 'friends' with whomever you let go. You can only be friends with someone who does not want a romantic relationship and is happy for you in the relationship you are in. You shouldn't have to hide from me and hurt me with any friendships.

Your affair partner will never be happy you stayed with me, therefore, you cannot be friends! Also, it is disrespectful, dishonest and is distracting to continue to maintain contact with the affair partner if you chose to commit to me.

Stop rolling around in the mud and trying to take everyone with you! Be strong and take responsibility for your actions. Yes, you hurt a lot of people, but if you don't acknowledge this and take responsibility everyone comes out much worse than they already are.

Everyone else has also mentioned honesty, true remorse, patience, affection, compassion, tolerance, no deflecting of blame, and open communication.

Honorable mentions:

I would rather you validate the lies I caught you in than try to make me feel like I was imagining things or that I am the crazy one.

Don't expect me to forget this and move on as fast as you want to do it (like the day after I find out). I promise I'll do my best to move forward if you do your part as well.

Lastly, stop the illogical cover-ups. I am not stupid. I have heard enough of the sincerely spoken 'take my word for it' or 'why can't you trust me' or 'it's up to me to resist the woman' or 'I am not lying' or 'why are you checking my stuff' when you resent my catching you in lies. Hey...if you are still lying how can you expect me to trust or believe you just because you say so? Learn that your word means nothing right now and only repetitive honest behavior and actions will help you earn that back.
11 years 3 months ago #24290

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Replied by Michelle37 on topic CHEATERS GUIDE TO RECOVERY

Morgrona... VERY well said. I especially like the part about not being able to stay friends with the affair partner. I think I'm going to print out everything you wrote and give it to my husband. Very well said.
11 years 3 months ago #24294

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  • Marie H
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Replied by Marie H on topic CHEATERS GUIDE TO RECOVERY

More stuff that was on my wish list -

Don’t ever, EVER tell your betrayed partner -

- How long is this going to go on
(It’s going to go on for as long as it takes for me to heal)

- When is this going to end
(I have no freakin’ idea when this is going to end any more than you do)

- Are you ever going to get over this
(Maybe…maybe not. I’m still trying to figure out what ‘this’ is)

- I don’t know how much of this I can put up with
(And exactly how much do you think I am going to put up with)

- You’re driving me crazy
(Sorry, I beat you to it buddy)

- I’m loosing my mind
(When you find your mind, see if you can find mine for me because it’s ten steps ahead of yours)

- You don’t remember things I already told you
(I have a better memory than you give me credit for although there‘s things I‘ll likely remember for the rest of my life -- thanks for corrupting my future memories)

- I can’t keep going over this a million times
(when you tell the truth and the story stops changing THEN you can stop ‘going over it’)

- I already told you that
(tell me again…one more time)

- I didn’t want to hurt you
(you may not have ‘wanted’ to…but you DID. What did you think was going to happen)

- They meant nothing to me
(B.S. They had some ‘value’ to you or you wouldn’t have been having an affair with them. Start being honest with yourself)

Marie
There's no such thing as a bad day;
Some are just better than others.
11 years 3 months ago #24295

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Replied by morgrona on topic CHEATERS GUIDE TO RECOVERY

Michelle37, that whole 'you can't be friends' speech is a broken record in my home, so I had plenty of time to think it through.

Marie,Yes, the 'they meant nothing to me' or 'it was just a bang' comments! Sure, for almost a whole year and you still want to be 'friends' now?! If they meant nothing, why so long and why do you need to be friends now? B.S.

Another variation of they meant nothing to me: 'It just happened'.

Valid items for 'it just happened':

-Crossing the street and getting hit by a car
-Tripping over something in your path
-Bumping into an old friend by accident

Talking on the phone, texting, planning dates, getting together for sex and other activities for almost a year? PREMEDITATED

These quotes all belong under 'Stop treating me like I am stupid'.
11 years 3 months ago #24299

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Replied by DTeas on topic CHEATERS GUIDE TO RECOVERY

I agree about the "it just happened"...The reality is "I just allowed it to happen and didn't stop it because I was too selfich."

Soooo? You don't think I can use the old, "I was just walking along when I tripped over a curb and fell in to her (insert your own inapporopraite term here)" arguement? ;)

Crap! Guess I just better stick with the truth, and begging and love?

DT
11 years 3 months ago #24309

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