What does the future hold?

  • sonic3036
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What does the future hold? was created by sonic3036

I have asked this question in one thread, but figured I would start a topic on it for more opinions. 

I found out about 6 months ago about my wife’s year plus emotional and physical affair. I have been struggling ever since. She still works with the OM. I have trouble not worrying any time we are apart and feel the desire to play detective all the time, i.e. check in on social media, phone logs ect. I HATE this. I hate feeling like I need to do this in order to comfort myself. 

From the threads I have read here, most every hurt partner that has made it work out says that while they trust their partner now, they still are always vigilant in making sure it doesn’t happen again. 

My question to those of you who have stayed after the affair, did you ever get to a point where you didn’t feel the desire to check in on them all the time? Or not worry when they went out with friends? Does one ever feel completely comfortable in those situations with that partner ever again? I’m doubtful I can live like that. 
6 months 3 weeks ago #92792

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Replied by KaZuLo on topic What does the future hold?

I am only 2 months post nuclear bomb (finding out I was being cheated on -- emotional affair), and so I am not a good person to respond to your question from personal experience.  I still would like to share how I've been dealing (or not dealing at times).  The doubt is there about 85% of t time.  I know that every time I start digging, I will end up finding something, either new or old.  I know this.  And so I avoid checking.  I avoid checking because I refuse to base any relationship on how good I can get at surveillance.  Without trust, respect dies a little every day, and right now I'm feeling like once the little bit of respect I have for him is totally gone, so will my desire to make this work.  I just know that I deserve so much better, but at the moment, I am a bit stuck and unable to make huge decisions.    
5 months 3 weeks ago #92862

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