Should I get a divorce?

  • diggity11
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Should I get a divorce? was created by diggity11

My wife and I have been married with 3 kids for 15 years but together for 20 years . We’ve been together since freshmen year in college in which we attended the same school .  Wife felt guilty and confessed she cheated before marriage about 10 years ago (when were 5 years married already had our 3 kids) with one guy when we were in college for a couple of months . She said they would meet up and had sex only  2-3 times but mainly just communicate with one another. So I called the guy to ask about the affair in which he was in several of my college classes back then and he works at our local Walmart in which he said their was more than That and they hung out off and on for about 2 year span. He didn’t say how many times or go into details  (in which I want to know ). The kicker is during this 2 year span she got pregnant and miscarried.  Now get this the months  she said the affair occurred isn’t close to her pregnancy time but it’s during the time the guy said. The guy said he knew that she was pregnant as my wife told him. The guy said it was yours man not mine. I confronted wife and she denies the affair was that that long and he’s lieing.  Who do I believe? I am thinking the guy he has no reason to lie . It’s been 9 years and I still can’t get over it. I will be good for awhile then angry the next as things about cheating may trigger memories.  She has not given me any suspicion of cheating since college and everything has been good except for me trying to get over the past lies and cheating back in college when we wasn’t married. She has been a good wife and great mother up to this point and she apologizes and regrets her indiscretion.  I am contemplating divorce as it may help me get over it and move on with someone else. As ii told her back in college one thing that I can’t forgive is cheating . I am trying but it’s difficult. Should I get a divorce or continue to try to work it out? 
1 year 8 months ago #93464

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Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic Should I get a divorce?

I don't think that divorcing her will give you any closure. It certainly won't leave you emotionally free to pursue another relationship. It looks like she is sorry for what she did, and apparently she has not cheated again. And some one, this happened in college. Not to excuse what she did, but how mature is anyone at that age? If it has been this long and you can't let it go I suggest you try some sort of counseling.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
1 year 8 months ago #93466

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Replied by Maverick81 on topic Should I get a divorce?

I dont think you should get a divorce assuming she has not done anything else. The fact that she told you is pretty valuable because she did not have to do that. As far as the miscarriage and the discrepancy for how long it lasted, there are many reasons why things dont line up. I would agree that he has no reason to lie about that. But at the time, she might have just lied to him about the miscarriage. Unforttunately, women are actually capable of doing dumb stuff like that in situations for many reasons I dont need to get into. But the problem with lies, is that you have to remember them. She probably just forgot she told him that bs. And honestly, about the 2 year thing, that can get murky given how long it has been. So much time has gone by, people are generally bad at recalling stuff. There is no question that, despite what may be true and may not be, your feelings about the situation are real. And your feelings about the situation are what require intervention. You should consider couples counseling. This has been going on for a long time and you might need the space to talk about it with a third party. It may allow her space to really think about what she did and said and give you a story that calms your doubts and clears the fog so you can move forward. It may allow you to share how this has become a nagging problem in the way that you interact with her and you just cant "forget about it". You told her you could not forgive cheating in college. But you are likely not the same man you were in college. I hope you arent anyway. Good luck.
1 year 6 months ago #93620

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