Haunted by images of Husbands cheating.

  • Lizzy39
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Haunted by images of Husbands cheating. was created by Lizzy39

I am only 4 days in to finding out my Husband has been cheating on me and I am really struggling with imagining all the details.  Back story,  H moved out of the family home while we were figuring out what we both wanted from the marriage and if we would work on things or move on.  We still had plenty of contact and seemed to be communicating well.  We still had a physical relationship.  On my part I was trying to give him space and realise living the single life was not all that.  On his part, he was telling me he was miserable and wanted to sort himself out so he could be a better H and father.  We had a weekend away last weekend and it was great.  We came home feeling unbreakable and finally things were looking up.  Then on Monday someone said H had told them he has paid for escorts.  I confronted him and he admitted to doing it once, when he first left.  I was devastated and knew there was more.  Comparing bank statements to text history I found it was probably 1-2 times per week for 2 months.  He eventually admitted it was more than once but can't remember when/how many etc.  My reaction surprised me.  I told him he had to move back home immediately.  Enough was enough and it was time to commit 100% to the marriage and support me through this and look after his family.  He is being patient with all my questions.  Taking my angry remarks.  Offering comfort during the tears.  Others may disagree with me making him come straight home but I want him to witness every minute of this gut-wrenching pain that he has caused.  Why should I endure it alone.  So far I know it was different escorts, not 1 particular person.  This made me feel slightly better. He says it was just for the sex and he was lost and in a dark place.  I could accept this if the bank/texts didn't show he did it on days when things were good between us.  Times when he was getting sex from me.  1 of the times we had a lovely evening tues, another on Thurs and he had been to an escort on the weds between.  Another he had been texting me on his way to meeting her.  Bottom line is he doesn't know why he did it.  Swears he had already decided to stop before I found out and promises never to do it again.  I have started the healing process, or at least I feel I am making progress beginning to process it all.  Accepting the emotions as they come,  the digust, the feeling dirty and violated, the shock, the betrayal, the confusion.  But there is 1 thing I can't deal with.  The images that creep into my head constantly.  Picturing everything from explicit detail to simple things like him walking up to their door and wondering what clothes he was wearing.  I am coping in the day but dread the night when I will feel like clawing my own eyes out as I sob into the pillow.  What do I need?  Time?  Real details so my imagation doesnt fill in the gaps?  Sleeping medication? Please help ☹  And I am so so sorry for everyone who has been/is going through this x
1 year 6 months ago #93622

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