Husband has been having eotional affair online with an ex and it's tearing me ap

  • JenniferW
  • Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts 13
  • Thank you received: 0

Husband has been having eotional affair online with an ex and it's tearing me ap was created by JenniferW

Never think that because your spouse is disabled, unable to have real sex, that you're in the clear. You aren't.
My husband and his ex grew up together and went through horrendous, emotional experiences together that no one else could understand like they can. So when she texted last year and he was in the hospital, holding on to life, I welcomed the friendship. She said she would love to have a sister. I believed her.
He says they often just talked, and that she knew his triggers to get old emotions stirred back up. 
But imagine my shock when I found them sexting and sending pictures I wish weren't burned into my head!
It took some time for him to stop lying to both of us. But he finally humbled himself 2 nights ago and came completely clean.  I knew things he didn't know I knew, so I know this.
I have a hard time asking him quit talking to her, because of things they went through.  But at the same time, I keep thinking maybe as his wife I have that right. I'm just not sure what to do. Besides, if it's my decision and I quit talking to her, then he's going to resent me, won't he? Or maybe he'll find a different way to communicate.

Right now, he's trying to read a husband that he hasn't been for years. I told him today that maybe there's a blessing in all of this, that she opened her eyes to a part of our relationship that was missing. He agreed.
But how can I completely trust anything he's saying?
3 months 2 weeks ago #93325

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 5
  • Thank you received: 1

Replied by PShourd on topic Husband has been having eotional affair online with an ex and it's tearing me ap

     I'm going through kind of the same thing. This week will be out 33rd  wedding anniversary. He met a girl at work. He claims she's just a friend. He says she is just part of having a social life. I've threatened to leave him, but he want give her up. He has issues below so I think it's more of an emotional affair. I truly feel your pain. It hurts so bad. I feel I'm losing my best friend and he's letting me go to keep from losing her. I wish I could tell you it will get better, but I am not sure it will. My thoughts are with you. I pray your marriage works out.
The following user(s) said Thank You: JenniferW
3 months 1 week ago #93328

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 2921
  • Karma: 54
  • Thank you received: 204

Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic Husband has been having eotional affair online with an ex and it's tearing me ap

Their shared emotional experiences are in no way an excuse for sexting behavior. This being an emotional crutch for each other because they both understand what the other is going through is not an excuse either. there are counselors, support groups, etc. for things like that. Their relationship has already crossed the line. How does sexting each other count as emotional support? As for you, you have no obligation to this woman to be her friend. That is merely an excuse to keep her in your lives. She has no place in your life because she has come between you and your husband. He does not need to be in contact with her if he puts her before you in any way, despite her emotional needs. If they need emotional support for the things they went through, like I said, there are other means.
It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness -- ancient proverb.
The following user(s) said Thank You: JenniferW
3 months 1 week ago #93339

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Posts 5
  • Thank you received: 1

Replied by PShourd on topic Husband has been having eotional affair online with an ex and it's tearing me ap

 I agree completely.  Last week I packed his bags. I called the so called friend and talked to her for over an hour. I told her she can have him and that I was sending him her way. She says strongly that she don't want him and he can't stay with her. We had a long talk. She told him that she don't want him. We are trying to work it out. Our anniversary is today. If things don't work out then I'm moving on. Thanks for your response.
3 months 1 week ago #93343

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • JenniferW
  • Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts 13
  • Thank you received: 0

Replied by JenniferW on topic Husband has been having eotional affair online with an ex and it's tearing me ap

Last forgive me for not responding before now. It's been two months. How are y'all doing now? 
The more I think about this, the more I realize a couple things. One, you've been married to this fellow for 3 decades. If this girl stands out, there's a good reason. So you have good reason to believe something's off.
Secondly, this woman vehemently did Not want him moving in with her. That says a lot.
Who knows whether they had sex or not; we just know that her intent was not to try to make him hers. She don't want him that way! Maybe that didn't do anything. But maybe your concern is about something else, like not feeling respected. Hopefully by now you've begun to figure out what you couldn't quite put your finger on. So I'm curious. Where are you in your process? 
1 month 1 day ago #93530

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Powered by Kunena Forum