My husbands had mulitple affairs. How can I forget what he has done

  • Louise42
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My husbands had mulitple affairs. How can I forget what he has done was created by Louise42

Ive been married for 20 years. We have 3 teenage children together. I love my husband very much and wehave a good sex life and regular holidays together. He worls hard and provides for us. However he has a very low self esteem due to his childhood and needs constant attention and praise. Due to our chidren and the fact I work full time, I am unable to give him 100% attention. He has lost most of his friends. So he very rarely goes out, so all his emotional needs come down to me. I find this very hard because it makes me feel quilty when I want to see my friends. About 15 years ago when my son was a baby, he had a "fling" with a local woman he meet on the internet, a dating website that he had put a profile on. It lasted about 2'3 weeks during which they had sex once. They meet up on a few occassions whee they talked about sex and were planning on having sex again, but I found out. I confronted the woman and she admitted everything to me, she wanted them to carry on with their affair with my permission, and couldnt see what my problem was aslong as he came home to me every night. My husband denied sleeping with her but admitted to me that they did talk about sex and he "wanted to sleep with her". I believed his woman friend over him. He called it off striaght after I found out. I should of left then but we had a baby and a 2 year old at the time so I forgave him, as hard as that was. I have never truely trusted him since though. He says hea truely sorry about it. Since that time he has "flirted" numerois times with women on the internet and evan got telephone numbers off some and texted and phoned them. As far as I know he never actully meet up with them, because I always had a gut feeling something wasnt right and I always found out before he got to meet them. Ive always known though that he would of meet them if I hadnt found out. By this time we had git into a rut, we never went out together because we always had to work opposite shifts because of child care and we never laughed with each other. I felt like a single mum with no support. Last year we had massive problems with our eldest daughter, eventully she estranged herself from us at the age of 17. This deeply affected the whole family, it hit me hard and I became depressed and moody. My husband didnt seem to care about the situation or that I was hurting. I tried talking to him but he didnt want to know. I then became aware of a married female colleague he was hanging out with, an old school friend of his that he used to have a crush on. He had arranged to meet her but told me he was meeting his mum. I found out that they had texted and phoned each more times than he had contacted me. Although I do believe and trust him when he said he didnt sleep with her, emotionally he got attached to her and started slagging me off to her telling her we were in a rut etc, he evan discussed our daughter, somethong he wouldnt talk about to me. She didnt stick up for me and took my husbands side, evan though she had never meet me and didnt know my side of the story. This made my husband evan closer to her. She decided to give my husband advice on our marriage to make me less argumentative, she told him to buy me presents and take me out more. I asked yo meet her but both my husband and his friend said no. We were evan planning on moving but she changed my husbands mind on that aswell. We werent evan going to move far, just yo a smaller house which would be easier to clean.Her advice did help but I feel betrayed that he spoke to her about our marraige and daughter. I keep imagining the conversations they had together about me and how she must think im a moody gow, which isnt true. During this time also I discovered that my husband had paid an escort to sleep with him. It was only a one off but bith incidents have left me depressed and anxious. I can emotionally or physically please my husband. I did ask him gor a divorce after the escort incident, but he broke down in tears and begged me to forgive him. That he loved me but enjoyed tge attention of "other women",cause it boosts his ego and low self esteem. I told him if he wanted us to stay together then he must cut contact woth his work colleague and go to counselling. He refused marriage counselling because he said it wasnt my fault, but did go to indihidual counselling where he was diagnosed with a sex addiction. Everytime he had a nad time, he would reach for a sexual thrill like some people go for alchohol. He is sorry and more attentive to me, we go out together all the time and he opens up to me more. He said we should forget the past and start from now like we just meet, I cant do this. I camt forget. I feel hurt and betrayed. I whole marriage has been a lie, I want to hurt him lile hes hurt me and I can no longer trust him. Im scared that the minute my guard is down he will go off to his old ways again. I need to know how many wonen he slept with, what converstaions took place about me wiyh his friend. Any advice how to get over this feeling of betrayal ?
1 week 6 days ago #93487

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