Swinger Lifestyle Experiment Gone Bad

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Swinger Lifestyle Experiment Gone Bad was created by Swinger

This is a story that has all of the elements. Love, lying, deception, forgiveness, friendship, and sex...crazy group sex.

We have been dating for over 5 years. We began an affair about a year before that while both of us were married to others. We started "dating" exclusively before our respective divorces. To this day we don't live together, except for sleep-overs and select weekends. When we began dating we pledged our exclusive love to one another. Her divorce was final about 6 months prior to mine.

From the start, after her divorce, she continued going to parties or events where the X would also attend. She continued to associate with the same group of friends, his group. It wasn't long before she was constantly texting him, even while we were out together. She would act annoyed, but I suspected differently. Her excuse was that they needed to talk about their son and that she wanted, for the son's sake, to have a good relationship with the X. It got to the point, though, that I would notice upon her arrival to my place that she was on the phone and as soon as she would walk out the door she was back on the phone. I confronted her that it needed to stop. She agreed, but she simply learned to hide it better. She got better at lying. About 6 months later, and after going doing lake day with X and friends, I confronted her again. This was a huge blow-up because, yet again, she refused to tell the truth. Short story is that she broke the obvious, non-stop, contact and I gave her back my trust.

This is where I should add that no matter what we do together we absolutely have a blast. We laugh, we love the same movies, we cook together...to put it simply, there isn't anything that we don't enjoy doing together and we never tire of each other. I would rather spend my time with her than anyone else in the world, including my best guy buddies. And, the sex has always been great!

Speaking of sex, kind of from the start of our dating she admitted that she had never been with a woman, but that she would. Well, that's a hot thing for a guy so I'm in!! We started a profile on a swinger site and attended some regional club events. About 6 months after the break-up and subsequent make-up over the X we found our first female experience. It was with another couple and us boys only watched until we rejoined our respective mates in a foursome (still only girl/girl action though). That was a blast!

Even though we tried to make swinger things happen again over the next year nothing came about until one night we were at a bar and she flirted up a bartender. We had talked about adding another male to the mix several times but she had never wanted to admit she would go there. Even though a little awkward since it was our first MMF it was fun, for me too. I enjoyed seeing her get off.

Well, now we are on a roll. We head to an out of town party with the agreement and understanding that we are now graduating to a couple, where I get to have sexual fun too. Short story is we agreed upon a couple at the party to flirt with and see where it would lead. I start talking to the lady and she starts a game of pool with the man and another guy. Not long after I see that she has abandoned the man and is getting felt up by this other creep. Short story is that she denied that she wanted that to happen and that she was still interested in the couple, yet she never went there. The next week was a fight because I knew that she had "cock blocked" me and she denied it. She finally came clean and admitted that she went after her selfish interest by going after another guy, regardless of how we entered the night.

Within a few weeks I, again, gave her my trust. We hook up with another guy for a MMF and revisit the bartender a couple of weeks later for another MMF. Even though she has said that we are focused on finding a FFM so that I can play too...you are starting to see the pattern here, right?! Do understand that every experience we had there was more than a lot of touching between she and I. They did do their thing while I only watched, I participated. Busy girl!!

We go for another 15 months without any real action in the swinger lifestyle, but I also notice that she is dressing more provocatively for company parties, and paying special attention to certain guys in the company. Nothing I can prove, though.

Anyhow, one day the bartender calls and says he now has a girlfriend to bring along for an experience. My lady and I discuss and agree this will be my chance to have the FFM experience. Mind you, for 5 years now, we spend 3 - 4 hours a day on the phone and tell each other we love one another. They show and almost immediately upon us getting naked it turned into a 3-some between them. Absolutely no touching between my lady and I. I played with the other girl alone, but that wasn't what I wanted. My lady focused her entire night on the bartender...and his girl when she wasn't doing me.

I was devastated. I tried to talk to her about it the next day, but she turned it on me saying it was my fault for not being more aggressive. I tried to bring it up again and she shut me down. For the next several months I kept it inside, but I finally couldn't deal with it any longer. It wasn't the sex that bothered me. The sex never bothered me. It was the lies. I was right there, watching, and she was lying about things that happened within the experience. She denied this, just as she has always denied everything else when we have had a problem.

During the last few months I started reconciling things she would state, even small things, against what I could pick up by looking at her text or phone log. Nothing major, but she would lie when it was easier to tell the truth

Well, we finally came to a point within about a week where she decided to admit not only that she lied here, but she also admitted just how much she had lied about the X (that she was trying to make him wish he still had her)...and reconfirmed that she had lied about the swinger party incident, too.

I had found this site so we started through the process. From the beginning I told her that the only way to fix us is to have complete honesty and that I wouldn't even start the process if she wouldn't quit lying and lay it all out. Damn if she didn't lie about new things as we are going thru the process.

I may be really messed up for allowing her to play around...I admit that. But there again, the sex isn't an issue. Lies are the issue.

Advice please. Is she ever going to quit? From what I have read she fits the LUDUS love style, almost to a T considering how she has played me, but she isn't totally DISMISSIVE with her attachment style either. She loves being in contact, and is a touchy feely type.

I hope the site doesn't melt down on this one!
5 years 4 months ago #80109

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Replied by sunflowersxoxo on topic Swinger Lifestyle Experiment Gone Bad

I was in the swinger lifestyle for several years with my husband after 20 years of marriage Many couples have great time.you can't be a swinger unless you have trust. Then it can add to your relationship, not fix a broken relationship. How I know, I had a rocky relationship, my husband cheated on me, I cheated back. I thought swinging would be honest and right thing to do. He snuck around behind my back,didn't use condums which was our rule. I started back having my own affairs.

No she will not stop cheating or LYING. Its not worth keeping them. You will regret giving one more chance after another and same thing will happen. Its not like she made a mistake and you forgave her and she stopped. People make mistakes. She will always beg and lie,never change. I'm very sorry, it hurts and you worked so hard save your marriage. You deserve an honest relationship. Its not worth the constant headache and brain damage. We all want to believe them, none I know of change. I currently in Situation that I have confront my boyfriend who cheated and I'm still trying decide to confront him.
5 years 2 weeks ago #81812

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Replied by Rusty198113 on topic Swinger Lifestyle Experiment Gone Bad

? I don't think it's better if I tell all. It's starting to get better now. If I tell my wife I been going to swingers clubs with some of her best buddy's that will be bad. If any of them tell that will be bad. I had sex with most of her buddy's. ???? What do I do
10 months 1 week ago #92203

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Replied by BlueEyedGrace on topic Swinger Lifestyle Experiment Gone Bad

I'm in the lifestyle too. I agree with your woman, you're not aggressive enough. Why would you not do her during a partner swap with the bartender and his date? Complacency is not a virtue. Women like alpha males.
10 months 14 hours ago #92249

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